By Merav Harris, M.S.
Big cities are unforgiving places, and New York is perhaps the most unforgiving of them all. That is because the Big Apple is the most competitive city in the world according to the Global City Competitive Index; New York even surpasses London and Singapore. Although the sheer size of New York’s economy plays a large role in its high ranking, the index accounts for quality of life and human capital, as well as its business and regulatory environment. Therefore, New York City has the ability to attract top talent in the world. But once the talent finds its way to New York, how steep is the climb to the top? Speaking from experience, the climb is so brutal that it can be discouraging.
If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere. Frank Sinatra sang these lyrics in what has become New York City’s unofficial anthem. Residents of New York subscribe to the idea that if they work hard enough, are ingenious and ruthless enough, they, too, will be “king of the hill, top of the heap”. Alicia Keys has taken this line one step further to say, “I’m gonna make it by any means, I got a pocket full of dreams. Baby, I’m from New York”. However, this message may bring false hope to the millions of New Yorkers trying to make it here, or the thousands who flock here each year to pursue their dreams.
I find myself being torn about the overt and ever-present competition in New York- does it help me succeed? Or is focusing on the competition a self-sabotaging experience? Although sometimes I argue that competition is a fundamental part of human success, I also find that being competitive comes from a lack of trust. New York tends to set up a “me-against-them” mentality, or a belief that you have to win at the cost of others and that there’s not enough to go around. When I find myself growing weary of my tiny apartment, the rising rents, and over priced … well everything!, I must remind myself to not get upset by these unfortunate adversities; it is my own construction of reality and evaluative beliefs that cause me frustrations. We know that the pillar of REBT is to examine how the irrational and dysfunctional patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving we hold contribute to our emotional disturbances. In my case, my self-pitying is preventing me from climbing to the top and reaching my goals. Instead, I need to look critically at New York, and construct a reality that is accepting of my status in New York. After all, New York is a concrete jungle.