By Dan Prendergast, M.A.
I experienced the events of September 11th, 2001 in the relative safety of a high school classroom several hours away from New York City. After moving to New York City and entering the mental health field I began to meet a large number of people who witnessed the attacks directly, suffered great personal losses, and had their lives greatly impacted. Many of these people continue to have an understandably difficult time thinking about or experiencing reminders of 9/11, and many continue to take measures to avoid dangers that they perceive in their environment, or to avoid painful emotional experiences. Reflecting on the events of 9/11 and the lingering effects of the attacks, REBT theory offers us a very important philosophical choice. Specifically, do we wish to live our lives holding the belief that there are events that are so terrible that they absolutely cannot be thought about or spoken of, or do we choose to engage with and tolerate unpleasant memories, thoughts and emotions after a tragic event? Otherwise stated, how much power do we wish to grant difficult events in our past or imagined future?
If we make the decision to avoid painful mental experiences it is possible to preserve some degree of comfort, though to achieve this we place substantial restrictions on our own freedom to think and act as we otherwise might. On the other hand, if we make the decision to engage in difficult mental experiences the price we pay may be some level of distress, though we are more able to engage in activities that may be quite important and meaningful. We know that many forms of distress, especially anxiety, decrease with time and exposure for most people. Two common approaches exist for those who do choose to confront difficult experiences, especially related to dangerous or traumatic events. The first approach challenges our perceptions and automatic thoughts, and might suggest that the odds of another bad event are extremely low, or that we are attending to one episode of danger and ignoring many more episodes of safety.
A second approach stressed more strongly by REBT recognizes that bad events do occasionally happen, and encourages us to develop a philosophy that will work for us in both best and worst case scenarios. This philosophy might encourage us to acknowledge our understandable desire to have certainty, security or safety without demanding that they be provided for us. Unfortunately, these things cannot be guaranteed in an unpredictable world no matter what precautions are taken. An REBT philosophy might also encourage us to realize that not living according to our values is often worse than exposing ourselves to the experience of fear. For instance, taking one’s children to Central Park may be more important than the subway is anxiety provoking. Finally, an REBT philosophy encourages unconditional self, other, and life acceptance, even in the face of unpleasant emotional experiences.