I Object! Or Do I?

By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.

Why must we act in self-defeating and self-sabotaging ways? According to ancient philosopher Marcus Tullius Cicero, this pattern of behavior is nothing new. As far back as 50 B.C. Cicero exclaimed, “He is his own worst enemy.” If this evidential support from thousands of years ago does not throw flames to the self-deprecating fire, then I’m not sure what does.

We as a species are incredibly convincing and persuasive, much more so than we give ourselves credit. We not only have the ability to achieve our goals, but more importantly dissuade ourselves from achieving our ambitions. I have watched clients argue themselves full circle, and convince themselves to work against their goals. Personally, I can argue myself into indecision, even when neglecting to make a choice is not an option. Does this mean that many of us missed our calling to become a lawyer?

First off, let us put our arguing to good use and answer the question “why must we act in self-defeating and self-sabotaging ways?” Logically, the answer is we do not. Whether or not Cicero observed these behaviors in Ancient Rome, there is no written rule declaring that humans must act in such ways. At closer examination, does this way of thinking serve a functional purpose? The answer is no, it does not. Past experiences likely suggest that convincing oneself a task is too difficult, or change is too uncomfortable, is a thought process that only stunts us in growing and achieving. Furthermore, upon cross-examination, even the jury will agree we have the choice to act as we please. Some may say this is easier said than done; however, like any good lawyer, we must learn to negotiate.

Change can be difficult and uncomfortable, but avoidance will not lead to a job promotion or a date. Now is the time to be convincing and act in defiance of your irrationality. Luckily, negotiating and compromising allows us to control that level of discomfort, and work toward small gains. You cannot win the case without negotiating smaller steps that will lead to the end goal. Exercise the right to choose your path and act counter to what your irrationality demands of you. If you make yourself anxious over asking another individual on a date, scoff at those thoughts and do it anyway. If you are making yourself depressed, convince yourself to engage in a pleasant activity to counter that depression.

When those self-defeating thoughts take over, it is your responsibility to fight back. Remind yourself of the end goal and establish a plan to get there. When your mind screams, “I object! This is too difficult!” fight back and ask yourself, “Do I want to object?” It is not you who is the enemy, but your irrationality. Perhaps what Cicero and the Ancient Romans truly needed was less time at the Coliseum and a few lessons in REBT.