By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
“Be an un-label.” This is the advice I came across while reading an article in the online edition of Inc. magazine yesterday. In the article, Marc Ecko, founder of Ecko UNLTD, shared five tips for success and his suggestion to be an un-label resonated with me the most. Ecko suggested that rather than allowing yourself to be categorized or labeled, it’s preferable to “project your true self.”
The idea of being an un-label seems closely connected to the REBT concepts of self-acceptance and other-acceptance. Developing self-acceptance and other-acceptance is particularly crucial in coping with societal issues such as racism and sexism which involve labeling entire groups of people. As a Black woman, I have become attuned to the perceptions others may have of me because of my race, my gender, or a combination of both demographic features. At the same time I realize that while I can control how I view myself, I can’t change the perceptions others have of me. This doesn’t mean that others can’t change their perceptions. They can, but only if they are motivated to do so.
Many people, however, are so invested in labels that they engage in confirmation bias. They will pay attention to evidence that confirms their biases and ignore evidence that refutes their biases. Other times, an individual will come into a situation with biases and engage with another in a way that encourages the targeted individual to act in a certain way. Sometimes people make a deliberate choice to live up to the labels others have placed on them. Ultimately, labeling robs people of their individuality, inhibits real interactions, and prevents people from getting to know one another.
So why do people cling to labels? I used to believe that most people held on to labels perpetuated by the media due to lack of exposure to a diverse group of individuals. Over the years, I have become more convinced that the answer lies in two main factors: 1) some people find it easier to rely on mental short cuts and 2) many people want to avoid the anxiety and cognitive dissonance created when their biased perceptions are challenged.
Still, some people are motivated to challenge the labels they place on themselves and others. If that describes you, consider these ten questions which are based on techniques used to dispute irrational beliefs:
1) Why do I think this way about (specific group)?
2) Did I always think this way about (specific group?)
3) When did I first have these thoughts about (specific group)?
4) How did I learn to think about (specific group) this way?
5) Why did I agree with what was taught to me about (specific group)?
6) Is there any evidence to suggest that my thoughts about (specific group) apply to (specific individual)?
7) Am I ignoring evidence that suggests that my thoughts about (specific group) do not apply to this (specific individual)?
8) Have I given (specific individual) a chance to show and tell me who they are?
9) What are the costs to me if I don’t change my thinking?
10) What are the costs to (specific individual) if I don’t change my thinking?
If you are able to answer these questions honestly, you can begin to develop more balanced and rational beliefs regarding yourself and other individuals. Once your beliefs change, your feelings and behaviors towards individuals from certain groups can become more positive.
Even as you begin to challenge labels, you may find that being an independent thinker can be isolating at times. But the truth is, not everyone you come in contact with is going to like or understand you anyway and they don’t have to – so you might as well be yourself.