By Kristen Tobias, M.A.
A commonly held goal across diverse therapeutic orientations is self-actualization, or a mindset that encourages individuals to strive towards reaching their full potential. We can all probably identify periods in our own life when we were not working up to our potential, or know individuals that possess extraordinary talent, but seem to be floundering. So, I got to thinking, what deters people from reaching their goals, professional or otherwise?
Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania have identified a trait seemingly distinct from intellectual ability that facilitates success, namely “grit.” Grit is defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” This suggests that talent is a necessary, but not sufficient condition for achieving success. Moreover, this research highlights a sequential layering to success that includes starting, continuing, and maintaining. The values embedded in REBT are crucial for grit, or unlocking one’s potential on the path towards goal attainment.
In the first phase of action, individuals make a decision to initiate work towards a goal, come up with an action plan, and take the first steps in working towards this long-term goal. What prevents people from taking these important steps? Some may claim that they don’t know exactly what they want to do, or that they don’t know how to approach it properly. This type of thinking can maintain the status quo and encourage passivity. Certainty in life is imaginary. We can never be completely sure of what will guarantee the attainment of any goal. Part of starting the work towards a long-term goal may mean a Kierkegaardian leap, or the Nike “Just do it!” mentality. Thus, acceptance of uncertainty is an important step on the path to self-actualization.
Fear of failure can make it easy to engage in might-as-well-not-try-because-I’ll-probably-not-succeed thinking! Failure is tough and we certainly can’t prevent negative feelings should we fail (although we can think rationally about our failures!), but it is unfortunate when the fear of failure (a thought and/or emotion) alone prevents individuals from initiating or continuing pursuit of a goal. Furthermore, setbacks may necessitate flexible thinking and renegotiation of our course of action (e.g., the Beatles were rejected by the first record company they approached!). Thus, flexibility and self-acceptance are also vital steps for success.
Finally, the path to success is often long and arduous. This will require us to have high frustration tolerance, or the sustained ability to tolerate frustrating experiences as we work towards long-term goals. I have a friend from graduate school who prepared herself every semester for finals week by thinking: “The upcoming period will be rough, I will have to work hard, likely be tired from sleep deprivation, and accept that during this time I will have little chance for leisurely activities.” This strict approach is not for everyone, but it allowed her to tolerate a difficult time to work towards a larger goal. An example of frustration intolerance could be refusal to work towards a goal because one component of the work towards a larger goal seems intolerable. In this case, it may be helpful to remind oneself: “I can stand it, and it is worth it to do so!” Thus, high frustration tolerance is an important tool to unlocking one’s potential.
Unlock your potential…galvanize your REBT tools and get gritty with it!