By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
The old adage “work hard play hard” seems to be an aspiration many of us set; yet, it is incredibly hard to achieve. It is easy to become bogged down in our everyday routines, be it work, school, or our responsibilities at home. It seems that many times we are taught to establish goals, and continue working until each one is accomplished. Whether it is a good grade on an exam or a job promotion, these goals can become our own worst enemy. When our all-or-nothing thinking gets the best of us, we must remember that balance is key.
It is important to evaluate our values and decide what is important in both the short- and the long-term. One must not only commit to the goals, but also the path needed to get there. It is often the latter that we choose to disturb ourselves over. I recently had a conversation with a friend about a job opportunity she has been considering. The end position is what she calls her “dream job,” however; the path to get there requires a year of inadequate pay, terrible hours, and a small margin for error. Following the conversation, I knew my friend had resolved that she would put in this year or more of horror, in order to reach the desired end goal. However, there are no guarantees. There are no guarantees that this will, in actuality, be her dream job, or that this year will be a horror. That being said, it is a virtual certainty that this year will likely be a horror for her if she continues to approach the next year with this line of thinking.
It may seem adaptive to continue believing that by paying our dues, we will be rewarded with what we think is deserved. However, if the outcome is not as glorious as we hoped, it is likely that the pains we went through to get there will seem all the more horrible. Then where does this leave us? As taken from the wise words of Albert Ellis, it may be a hassle, but it is not a horror. That is, if one continues to remind oneself of how terrible and horrible a path is, one will not only be acting in a self-defeating manner, but also relinquish any hope of changing the current situation. The truth is, while a situation may be stressful and cause discomfort, this stress and discomfort does not need to be all encompassing. This is where the notion of balance and short-term goals come into play.
Once you establish your goals and accept the road may not always be pleasant, it is time to turn this horror into a hassle. That is, committing to playing as hard as you work. Make promises to yourself and holdfast to them. Whether this be allowing yourself a 10 minute lunch break to read a chapter in a book or taking a walk in the middle of the day. Allow yourself to leave work at a reasonable hour, at least one night a week, no matter how much is left on your desk. Do not neglect your other goals and relationships for fear of sabotaging one. Flexibility is key, as well as remembering that your well-being comes first.
There is not just one path to personal fulfillment. Look at these times as a growing experience, and do not be afraid to reevaluate what is most important to you. When the scale begins to tip and the awfulizing sets in, it may be time to tip the scale in the other direction and regain some balance.