By Kristen Tobias, M.A.
Thanksgiving is almost upon us, which likely means turkey, stuffing, shared moments of gratitude for everything we have, and the creation of warm and fuzzy family moments. Are you still reading or did I lose you already? I think Dr. Ellis would call this Turkey Day description Pollyannaish, as Thanksgiving can also bring challenging travel, difficult family interactions, and of course, the potential for overindulgence (and its closely related cousins Guilt and Shame). REBT advocates for a balanced (or realistic) view of things—thinking that is not overly positive or negative. In a quest to have the most enjoyable time possible next Thursday, I came up with the following rational beliefs to help get us through the day:
1. Even if we take every precaution possible, travel may still be difficult. We will likely sit in some traffic, and while this is annoying, it is far from awful or horrible. It will also not do us any good to disturb ourselves over lateness (our own or others), which while not preferred, is a hassle, not a horror.
2. Some dear, dear family member might say something that isn’t entirely pleasing to us (e.g., “Pants look a little tight,” “The turkey is a little dry this year,” “Why aren’t you married yet?”). We could disturb ourselves about this scenario by demanding that they have no right to say this, or we could think that they are fallible human beings, with the propensity for neutral, insulting, and complimentary declarations. If we are still feeling disturbed, we may need to think about why we feel this way and dispute additional irrational thinking. For example, “So what if my turkey is dry this year? One turkey on one Thanksgiving does not define me as a cook or host/hostess! Moreover, so what if I am not a good cook, because there are many other things that I am good at!”
3. Family arguments could happen, which might upset us if we are thinking, “Thanksgiving is about family and love; arguments should not occur on holidays!” I think it is safe to say that many people have a story about a family fight on some holiday, so clearly the evidence is stacked against us. Again, fighting on one holiday does not define our family, and in spite of the fight, it is likely that other meaningful interactions have also occurred.
4. Now for the biggie, gluttony. Let’s face it—the majority of us will overindulge on Thanksgiving. However, this brings the potential for evaluative thoughts (e.g., “Why did I eat/drink that much?” and “Because I did, I am awful, have no self-control, am a failure…”). If we overdid it on Turkey Day, we join the masses and will have a better day if we don’t beat ourselves up, or think it was the first step in the direction of a downward spiral. Thanksgiving, as well as the activities that occur on Thanksgiving, have a start and an end.
5. Lastly, if you are reading this, you likely have something to be grateful for. Thanksgiving represents a great time to reflect on what we do have in our lives, thinking that sets the tone for an undisturbed celebration.
Happy Turkey Day!