By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
As I sit here writing, I am taking a break from my mental packing. Yes, that is right, I am extending the packing process by first mentally plotting out what I will pack. Next, I will actually begin the packing process, but probably after avoiding it for at least a day or two. Did I mention that all of this planning is for a two-day trip… a week from now? The truth is, I have travel anxiety. The thought of leaving home for two nights propels me into an autopilot, in which my main goal is to ensure the trip will go off without a hitch. The greatest problem is that my behavior is typically reinforced, as I often come to my travel companions’ rescue, with everything from a pencil to Benadryl. So, once again, I begin the process of overpacking, and fretting over my impending trip.
Reflecting on my own anxiety driven behaviors, I recognize that the more I try to exert control, the more susceptible I am to losing it. Anxiety is often driven by the belief of needing control, as well as a fear of losing control. The notion of needing control in itself is illogical. We can agree that one needs oxygen, water, sustenance, and shelter to survive; however, does control match-up? When in an anxiety driven panic, it is easy to convince oneself that it does. While we may want control, we do not need it for survival. Furthermore, demanding this need must be met, will not help when plans go askew. We can trick ourselves into believing that the more we control, the more we protect against things going awry. However, while the anxiety may decrease for the time being, we leave ourselves without a functional coping mechanism. When we face our fears, we are better equipped to cope with the unexpected.
The first step is accepting uncertainty and facing it head on. Ask yourself, what am I most concerned about, and mentally rehearse how to cope with the potential reality. Act paradoxically and when the anxiety tells you to avoid the situation, convince yourself of the opposite. Rather than letting your irrationality get the best of you, jump in and participate. When we spend too much time trying to guard against the unexpected, it becomes easy to miss out on the experience. Practice being in the here and now and remember that it is important to have our wants; however, it is the demandingness that leads to our self-defeating behaviors. Prepare and plan, but if you find that control is slipping, accept and acknowledge the situation, and keep moving forward.
Deciding to take my own advice, I am going to remit my control, and engage in a behavioral experiment. Rather than running through my mind everything that must happen before I travel, I will accept that I cannot control every aspect of trip. I am going to stop over planning and save my overpacking (small steps at a time…) until next week. I will let others coordinate the arrival and departure times and enjoy being on the open road. I know I have my work ahead of me to change my travel anxiety to travel worry, but I am up for the challenge. I think I can find some room in my suitcase to pack away a case of anxiety.