By Kristene A. Doyle, Ph.D.
With Thanksgiving marking the start of the holiday season, zealous shoppers ran out of the gate like a bull in Spain. Some of our more recent blogs have discussed managing holiday stress and not making oneself experience dysfunctional emotions. I would like to take this opportunity to propose a different perspective for those who truly dread the holiday season, me included. For a variety of reasons, some individuals simply don’t like the holidays. The cheer that’s shoved down one’s throat via television commercials and department store windows is enough for some to want to scream. In REBT, we help people shift from dysfunctional negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, anger, and guilt, to healthier, albeit still negative feelings, such as sadness, concern, frustration, and regret. However, it’s important to allow people to feel whatever emotion they are experiencing, even if it’s “self-defeating.” I ask that we all be mindful of those around us and their reactions to this holiday season. It can feel very invalidating to be told that one should feel happy and joyous during this time. As a clinician, it is also important to validate whatever emotion(s) someone is experiencing. People have many reasons for liking the holidays, and equally as such, not liking them. The holidays for me represent a very challenging time when my husband was nearing the end of his battle with brain cancer. No matter how much time elapses, there is an indelible mark in my brain that is triggered starting on Thanksgiving. I can only imagine what others’ experiences are.
So what’s the take-home message here? It may not be exceptionally helpful to feel angry or depressed during this season, but it’s your choice. Recognize the consequences of such, but please do not beat yourself up for feeling whatever it is you’re feeling. Doing that makes it harder to bounce back once the holidays have passed. For those who do not particularly like the holidays- how about this- do your best to get through them. Whatever that looks like for you. Enough with Hallmark.