Hello Future, Why Must You Seem Ever so Present?

By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.

It is not uncommon to be asked “What are your long-term goals” or “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Whether the context be in a job interview, on a date, or even from family members, this line of questioning can throw anyone for a loop. While we are conditioned to plan for the future, and carefully weigh each step we take along the way, often times it can be difficult to provide an honest answer. Though we may have a vision of where we would like to be, the uncertainty associated with arriving there can prove to be overwhelming. It can be challenging at times to find a balance between living in the present, while also considering the future. It is important that we learn from the past; however, at least in my experience, sometimes this may require a few lessons. So we are left with a test. How do we give ourselves the flexibility to learn and grow, while also aligning ourselves to achieve a desired goal?

REBT posits that we let go of our rigid and self-defeating beliefs and instead, seek the rational and flexible alternative. Where there is no fault in planning for the future, if we hold on too strongly, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. If we repeatedly tell ourselves that “We must adhere to the set plan” and “I need to be in this position within three years” we may perceive the situation as under control. However, there are pitfalls associated with over-planning, and we could be providing ourselves with a false sense of security.

If we berate ourselves for not reaching the arbitrary milestones that we deem as a must, any misstep that occurs will likely lead to catastrophizing beliefs. If we allow the resulting depressive or anxious feelings to take-over, there we become stopped in our tracks. By viewing mishaps as a small set-back, rather than an earth shattering disaster, we can recognize our feelings of disappointment and concern, rather than self-defeating anxiety and depression.

Many times it can be difficult to bask in our accomplishments, because we are too busy planning for the next step. However, it is these smaller wins that bring us closer to our goals, and provide the lessons needed to succeed. Breaking down large tasks into smaller increments not only increases our chances of succeeding, but also provides us with the motivation to keep working. No matter how small the win may seem as compared to the “bigger picture,” we are moving one step closer. If we do not give ourselves a pat on the back, then who will?

Although it may seem cliché, the advice stop and smell the roses does hold some utility. If we become too reliant on our tunnel vision, life can pass us by. No matter how much your planning may seem to alleviate the possibility of taking risks, the truth is, this is unavoidable. When the day comes and you are asked to make a decision, and neither option is earmarked as part of the “bigger picture,” you still have a choice to make. When the what ifs come tumbling in, perhaps it’s better to push them aside. Try to accept that there are always what ifs, but chances for new opportunities do not come around quite as often.