By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
Over the past weekend, I spent a good portion of my Sunday frantically attempting to resolve computer issues. This certainly is not my first rodeo. As I suspect in this digital age, we have all had our fair share of computer glitches. Of course, as is the case with every good computer problem, these malfunctions tend to arise at the worst possible time. When my good friend Google could not provide me an answer, off to a service appointment I went.
As I approached hour two of my computer repair appointment, I began hearing many horror stories that made my outdated operating system and the persistent pinwheel of doom seem rather insignificant. There was the woman who spilled liquid all over her computer and it refused to turn on and the man whose laptop screen was shattered into many pieces. While the list goes-on, I found the different reactions of each individual to be interesting. People expressed anxiety about their situation, others anger, and some people even laughed at the news that they were given.
This experience proved to be a great lesson in REBT. What were these people telling themselves that resulted in such different emotional reactions? For instance, if I were told that the internal workings of my computer were wiped out, and knew I had never backed-up my computer, I would not be smiling. What beliefs was I holding? Looking back on the situation, I realize that my anxiety and anger resulted from demanding a guarantee. I wanted someone to tell me when the next time my computer would malfunction, how long my machine would last, and what I can do to prevent emotional distress later on. Not only was I asking these individuals to predict the future, but also I was trying to change the situation in an attempt to guard against any future discomfort. Each expert explained to me the impossibility of predicting what my machine may do, and expressed that at some point or another, I would have to deal with the hassle of an unresponsive computer. As I was left to decide the next move to make, I began to recognize that my demandingness for certainty about my computer’s future was not wrapping up my appointment any sooner. Additionally, asking one more expert to assess the situation would not supply me with the answers I was seeking.
Let’s bring this scenario into the bigger picture. Reflecting back on this experience I recognize that this is likely not the first time I tried to demand a guarantee. As much as we may want to predict the future, our shoulding, musting, and oughting only paralyzes us in the moment and prevents us from planning for the future. Changing those feelings of anxiety and anger by exercising flexibility in our beliefs, better prepares us to take on whatever may be thrown our way. The best I can do is safely guard my external hard drive and continue to remind myself that as much as I want to know my computer will continue to function, there is no promise. Furthermore, since this is a question Google cannot even answer, it would be helpful to accept that computers are just as unpredictable as us humans. The day my machine decides to go, it certainly will not be pleasant, but I can get through it, especially with help from my four new computer expert friends.