By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
As much as we would like to be great jugglers, it is not always easy to find a perfect balance in life. It can seem difficult to set aside time to take care of oneself, but it may be even more difficult to make sacrifices in order to do so. We often strive to be able to leave work at the office and appreciate our downtime at home, but very quickly these lines become blurred. We may make an effort to see our friends, but then you will probably still have family members claiming that you are not prioritizing your time. Then there are friends who believe they are being neglected for the new romantic partner in your life. There are so many variables to consider, it becomes really easy to lose yourself in the mix. So where do we start?
I was recently posed the challenge to begin engaging in better self-care. More specifically, working to put myself first and scheduling time to do the things that make me happy. Pretty straight forward, right? Not quite so. How could I possibly make time for myself when my to-do list is three pages long? It is much easier to take time for oneself when there are no responsibilities in the way. However, it is when our days are packed and our stress levels are high that self-care becomes the most important factor.
When we neglect to care for ourselves and put others and work first, what is standing in our way? Guilt is often a key player. The more we convince ourselves that “I should not be putting work on the back burner” or “If I do not complete these tasks now the aftermath will be horrible,” the more difficult it becomes to put down the laptop and pick-up the television remote. If we tell ourselves that “I am a terrible friend for cancelling plans in order to catch-up on sleep” we are not positioning ourselves to function better for the week ahead. The more we demand that we should be better at balancing our obligations, the more guilty and anxious we will become if this goal is not achieved. No matter how much we try, friends may still believe you are too unavailable or your to-do list remains one page longer than you would like.
If we can let go of our demandingness and agree that we would like this balance, but acknowledging it may not always be possible, we are already setting ourselves up for the better. Accepting that some weeks will be more difficult than others will make it much easier to overcome any roadblocks. There may always be someone who believes we can be doing better, but that does not mean we need to listen.
There is not one way to define self-care. If completing a paper for school is what you need to do in order to feel good that week, then that is what you are going to do. Maybe it is going to sleep at 10:00 pm on a Friday night. It could even be allowing oneself to enjoy a slice (or three) of pizza. How am I doing with this challenge? Some days are definitely easier than others, but I am going to take my own advice now and put down the laptop and go for a walk. While I may be concerned that my desk is still overflowing with papers, there is no need to add my shoulds to the pile.