By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” With this quote, pastor and author, Steven Furtick encourages us to stop playing the rating game. Focusing on someone’s “highlight reel” often decreases frustration tolerance. People assume that the accomplishments of others were easy and that things should be easy for them too.
Another consequence of comparing yourself to someone else is procrastination. Procrastination is often driven by fear of not living up to standards. Those standards are usually comprised of the demands you place on yourself. “I absolutely must get this right,” is a typical refrain. Some people choose not to produce anything rather than produce something that doesn’t meet their standards. After all, something you haven’t yet created can’t really be judged. Ironically though, when someone shows up empty-handed and is behind on deadlines, that person unwittingly reinforces beliefs of self-doubt.
At the other end of the spectrum are people who overwork themselves because they believe they must be perfect. These people are never are satisfied with what they have produced and they believe they can always and should always do better. These are often the people who are still at work after mostly everyone else has gone home. And they often spend that time making revisions or giving themselves more work. Yet, this type of procrastination can lead to missed deadlines. The irony is that the harder people push themselves, the more likely they are to make mistakes. And for perfectionists, making mistakes reinforces their self-doubt.
In hindsight, many people can usually find a way to improve work they’ve already submitted. But when you’re attending to a task at hand, how about focusing on doing a good enough job? Learn to recognize when you have done a good enough job –nothing more, nothing less. Acknowledging this is not the same as saying you’ve given up or haven’t tried at all. It suggests that you accept yourself and trust your own judgment.