By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
I have been described as being the “nostalgic type.” I’m that friend that loves to look back on the past and reminisce. It can be exciting to see how much myself, my friends and my family have grown and changed as compared to the past. In a world where “Throwback Thursday” (#TBT) and “Flashback Friday” (#FBF) are part of our weekly social media routine, we are constantly reinforced for allowing the past to resurface. However, is it possible that taking walks down memory lane and looking at old photographs becomes more problematic than sentimental?
There comes the point where significant others become spouses, pets become children, and 9 pm bedtimes resurface. No longer are all of your friends progressing down the same path, some may seem as if they are running and others are taking a more zigzagged approach. For some of us, this growth and change can be exciting, but for those with one foot in the past, the unpredictability of the future may be frightening.
Change in one’s life can be challenging, but how do you feel about others around you making changes as well? Often times we discuss the rigidity that arises when demanding control in one’s life, but what happens when you ask the same from others? What does it mean to you when others are changing at a different rate from yourself?
It is important to realize that just because others may be pursuing a path different than your own, it does not mean that you must meet in the middle. The wonderfulness about growth is that, we can, for the most part, expect it to be uneven. There will be periods of growth spurts, times of consistency, and sometimes we may take a few steps back. Just as we recognize these patterns in ourselves, it is important to do the same in our relationships with others.
As things change and people grow, we may work hard to maintain our relationships with others and hope that they will do the same for us. However, there is no guarantee these behaviors will continue forever, as change is inevitable. People may change for the better or for the worse, but the only aspect in our control is what we will do about it. Accepting our friends and family for who they are, who they have become, or who they may progress into does not mean remitting those memories of the past or giving-up that their path may bring them back toward you. Accepting allows you to recognize others for the fallible human beings that they are, forget your black and white thinking that tells you “if they are good they will always be good, and if they are bad they will always be bad,” and replace unrealistic expectations shaped by the past to give you a firmer hold in the present.
While we may Throwback on Thursday and Flashback on Friday, perhaps we can try to be Mindful on Monday. Allow yourself to be present in the moment and push judgments aside, if only for a few minutes. Allow yourself to be in the moment and a participant in the present.