Kristen Tobias, M.A.

This blog is the third of four that will expound on the types of frustration intolerance (FI) discussed in my previous entry, Not All Frustrations are Created Equal.

Your life will expand, remain status quo, or shrink largely based on your willingness to stand discomfort. This assertion encapsulates an REBT term, discomfort intolerance, which refers to a personal philosophy that life not be too hard. Individuals who were prone to this thinking endorsed statements such as “I can’t stand doing things that involve a lot of hassle,” “I can’t stand having to persist at unpleasant tasks,” and “I can’t stand doing tasks when I’m not in the mood,” on the Frustration Discomfort Scale. Life can be relatively easy if you think this way because you will avoid thinking or behaving in ways that are uncomfortable. But, this type of thinking has been associated with depression. If your driving force is comfort and ease, you will miss out on pursuing that which is meaningful.

Most people don’t accomplish success by taking the easy way out, shying away from new tasks, or avoiding challenging and difficult scenarios. And I don’t refer to success in the oft-used reference to wealth, fame, or professional advancement, but rather that which you are capable of and desire, in the absence of the neurotic thinking and behavior that preclude their attainment. Most meaningful accomplishments take a lot of hard work, whether it’s a degree, relationship, becoming skilled at a craft, building a home, etc. And, I’d bet that most people don’t sit on their deathbed with the sole regret that life had been freer of hassles.

While comfort is usually preferable, its unfettered chase will limit what you see, do, and feel. In fact, discomfort intolerance has been linked to the behavior of sticking to familiar routines, even when people feel like they are in a rut! Moreover, when you spend your days demanding comfort, you will likely not fare well when life is not comfortable, as is inevitable for everyone at some point. Tolerance, on the other hand, is the acceptance of reality, thinking that puts us in a better position to deal with the vicissitudes of life.

We can start our cultivation of discomfort tolerance by accepting a basic component of reality…life is not always comfortable or pleasant. Life is hard. Sometimes the easiest way is not best for us, and we would be far better off to withstand uneasiness or vexations, and to push ourselves to do something. You might also increase your ability to tolerate discomfort by actively seeking out frustrating experiences. For example, you might commute home at the height of rush hour, volunteer for an annoying or difficult task at work, or pick up that unfinished project that you have been telling yourself that you just haven’t been in the mood to do it.

The world is at your fingertips…if you can stand it.