Shannon O’Neill, MA
Remaining with the theme of my previous post, I will use my next two entries to discuss two additional forms of acceptance: Unconditional Other-Acceptance (UOA) and Unconditional Life-Acceptance (ULA).
Similar to USA, UOA is the processes of acknowledging who an individual is without placing a weighted, global judgment upon them. Personally, I believe this concept requires more effort than USA. After all, people must be considerate, right? Unfortunately, no. I do not control the universe and if you haven’t noticed, other New Yorkers are not eager to follow another individual’s personal guidelines. Ok, so maybe “must” is too strong of a word. How about others should be considerate? Wrong again. Where is it written that someone should behave one way or another? Some would say the law; however, people break the law all the time. It would be nice if others were considerate, but it does not mean they must or should be.
For instance, an individual may come into session furious due to the lack of patience fellow commuters possess when entering and exiting the train. For three months the client has been appalled by others who cut and shove during their daily travels. Rightfully so, this would be frustrating for most. However, because these actions have been present for three months, the question now becomes “Why are you still surprised?” After commuting two times a day for twelve weeks (120 times) why is the client still shocked by others lack of patience? You see, the only individual affected by the client’s anger is the client. If we demand that others behave a specific way in order to accommodate our rules, we will only be building a battle fought against ourselves.
It is time to stop pointing fingers saying, “They made me angry!” No individual has control over your emotions, causing you to feel one way or another. It is your thoughts about the individual’s behavior that has led to the emotion. Therefore, the next time someone shoves passed you on the train, cuts you off in traffic or talks loudly on their cell phone in a public space, ask yourself “How will getting angry help this situation?” More specifically, “Who is most affected when I get angry?” Remember that just like USA, UOA does not mean you have to like the behaviors of another individual. Simply, giving up the belief that people should behave the way you see fit will lead to more functional emotions AND a less stressful commute.