Shannon O’Neill, MA
Let me begin by asking you a question: What would it take for you to consider yourself successful?
-A prestigious career?
-A sizable bank account?
-A thinner figure?
Although individually defined, the pressure for success can take over one’s life and often define self-worth. We have all seen the articles and many of us have fallen victim to them – 7 unique ways to attain success or 5 habits that the super successful do before 5 a.m. Individuals tend to read these columns, believing they will acquire success and finally be satisfied with who they are. Yet, what happens if they fail to follow the guidelines? Or even worse, what if they follow every step and are still unhappy? Is this evidence to suggest they are no good?
An Eastern philosopher, Alan Watts, once said, “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” Breaking this down into REBT language, Watts is suggesting that rather than searching for happiness through unattainable, ill-defined goals, the key is to live within the present moment and striving for unconditional self-acceptance (USA). Through USA, an individual is able to all-inclusively acknowledge who they are. The acceptance of one’s strengths as well as their weaknesses does not require coercion of liking one’s flaws. Rather, USA is the process of recognizing shortcomings and accepting that they are as much a part of you as your strengths.
Success will continue to ebb and flow and become redefined throughout life. What truly remains unwavering is who you are in the present moment. Therefore, rather than wagering your happiness on external factors, often times outside of your control, I challenge you to practice USA. I challenge you to identify what makes up who you are at this very moment and find contentment. It may be uncomfortable to identify personal shortcomings, believing this acknowledgment makes you a bad person. Yet, Albert Ellis frequently said, “A person is far too complex to warrant a single legitimate global rating.” Therefore, eliminate the irrational belief that you must be successful in order to be happy. Rather, find your happiness through the unconditional acceptance of yourself at this moment.