William R. Taboas, M.A.
This blog entry is part one of a two part series discussing the nature of irrational anger and its beliefs, and how irrational anger contrasts to the rational use of anger as an emotion.
Anger is a powerful emotion. Most of us are familiar with the costs of anger: aggressive behavior inevitably will have a toll on our relationships with friends, significant others, family, and coworkers. But anger also gets a bad rap; with optimal levels and the rational use of anger, we can defeat our adversities, move mountains for ourselves and loved ones, become assertive when we need to speak up, and ultimately motivate ourselves for action. Like all other emotional states, anger signals that something in the environment has become an obstacle and needs changing. Moreover and specifically to anger, that specific stimuli poses a threat, physical or psychological, to self and/or others, and is typically triggered by the actions or, in some instances, inactions, of people. Anger may end up being that crack of the whip that some of us need to get the ball rolling in the right direction. However, some of us crack the whip too hard, too loud, and too often on others and ourselves. In this entry, we will discuss how Irrational beliefs lead to Irrational and ultimately Unhealthy Anger, and proceed to dispute some of these beliefs.
Research by DiGiuseppe, Tafrate, and Echardt (references below) has delineated common Irrational Beliefs about Anger:
1) Lack of Emotional responsibility and Other blame – “She/He, or It MADE Me Angry!”. While it might be true that someone or something presented an obstacle, it was assigning emotional responsibility onto external obstacles that led to anger. As long as people believe that the cause of their anger is external to themselves, they are unlikely to act or behave to change their anger, since it is the other person that needs to change.
2) Condemnation of Others – Anger usually occurs with the belief that the other person is a worthless human being, and therefore, deserving of one’s anger outbursts or contempt.
3) Self-Righteousness – Anger is typically accompanied by the belief that one has been treated unfairly by a transgressor and that person is seen as someone who is morally wrong. This belief is held when strong convictions and dogmatic moral beliefs are held for others, but not for oneself.
4) Cathartic Expression – This is the commonly held belief that one MUST & SHOULD express anger outright, or otherwise it will spring up in other areas of one’s life (much like other hydraulic metaphors in psychology that have received little scientific support). In most cases, anger is expressed in a damaging way, rewarding none involved.
5) Anger Expression as a Way to Control Others – Much like temper tantrums in children, adult tantrums that accompany anger are performed with the intent to manipulate others into behaving accordingly, with or without the conscious awareness of the angry aggressor. While it may benefit the person in the short-term (and thus reinforcing the probability of more tantrums occurring in the future), anger tantrums inevitably will have negative consequences.
6) Egocentric Entitlement – This is a strongly held belief that one is deserving of fair treatment by other people, society, life, or the universe. However, much like self-righteousness, the belief is so strongly held that the notion of fairness only applies to oneself at the expense of the fair treatment of others. In some instances, anger may arise when we see ourselves deprived from the “privileges” the universe has given others, driving anger towards others, the universe, and even ourselves.
7) Hostile attribution of Intent – Defined as “… a tendency to perceive hostile intent on the part of others, even when it is really lacking.” Anger can be attributed to wrongly perceiving others, and strongly believing, that they intended us harm or ill will through action or inaction (such as passive aggression).
At their core, irrational beliefs that lead to anger can be categorized into Albert Ellis’ REBT model of Irrational beliefs of a) Demandingness, b) Awfulizing, c) Frustration Intolerance, and d) Self-Downing/Other-Downing/Life-Downing. For example:
- Demandingness: “How dare he/she do X & Y to me! They SHOULD have never done that!”
- Awfulizing: “How AWFUL and TERRIBLE it is that I have been made to go through that!”
- Frustration Intolerance: “I CAN’T STAND this!” “I should get what I want NOW.”
- Self-Downing: “I didn’t speak up. Therefore I’m WEAK and UNDESERVING of what I want.”
- Other-Downing: “They are WORTHLESS for doing this to me!”
- Life-Downing: “Life is UNFAIR and stacked AGAINST ME!”
Once categorized, one can proceed to Disputing these beliefs. To illustrate, we will go over a series of different disputation styles to hypothetical examples. Choose the one that best fits your situation:
- Functional Dispute: How is demanding that all people SHOULD respect me effective in getting closer to my goal? How is this belief helping the situation?
- Empirical Dispute: Where is the evidence that they intended to do me ill will?
- Logical Dispute: Is it logical to think that everything is fair in the world? Does everyone get what they want? Is it reasonable to think that I should get what I want immediately?
- Philosophical Dispute: Can I live a more fulfilling life by letting go of my strongly held beliefs that I should get what you want? Or would it be more fulfilling to continue on living it, even if I don’t get what you want?
- Friend Dispute: How would my wise friend whom I admire handle and think about my situation?
I’ll admit that anger is a difficult emotion to manage, but it is not impossible to do so. It takes practice, determination, and even humility, to first notice that you have irrational beliefs that lead to anger and then proceed to manage your own anger by disputing those beliefs. In my next entry on Irrational and Rational Anger, I will discuss how we can develop a healthier relationship with our anger by turning it into Rational Anger or manageable frustration, and motivating ourselves for effective and assertive action.
References:
Barron, R. & Richardson D. (1994). Human Aggression. New York: Plenum press.
DiGiuseppe, R., Tafrate, R., & Eckhardt, C. (1994). Critical issues in the treatment of anger. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 1(1), 111-132.
DiGiuseppe, R. A., & Tafrate, R. C. Anger (2006). Understanding Anger Disorders. Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology.
