by Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
I cannot stand this, I cannot handle this, I just cannot! These are the common symptoms of “I cant-stand-it-itis.” Similar to other “itises” those suffering from such symptoms may experience lack of motivation, difficulty focusing, and a reduction in productivity.
While I may come off as facetious in my description of “I can’t-stand-it-itis,” also known as frustration intolerance, Dr. Ellis recognized the significance these beliefs play in promoting unhealthy negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, and anger, as well as maladaptive behaviors including procrastination and avoidance.
At one time or another we have all endured periods of feeling overwhelmed and it is in these moments that our frustration tolerance is put to the test. Other times, our dislike of discomfort keeps us from even approaching new or challenging situations. Whether or not we are aware of the cannots standing in the way of our can dos, the first step to curing “I cant-stand-it-itis” is to examine our faulty evaluations.
I want you to think back to the last time your cannots came out full force. It may have occurred at work when you told yourself “I simply cannot stand the amount of work I have to do today!” or prior to cleaning your bedroom “I cannot handle cleaning up this mess!” In that moment you may believe that you cannot stand the situation, but let us look at the evidence. Are you still standing despite the large pile of work you had to sort through? If you are, then logically it is not true to say that you cannot stand the situation, because you did. This is where the important distinction lies. In an overwhelming situation you may not want to cleanup the large mess in your bedroom, but even though you do not want to, you are perfectly capable of doing so. Thus, by convincing yourself otherwise, you are not only preventing yourself from cleaning-up and checking that item off your to-do list, but you are also becoming more disturbed by the situation than need be.
This similar sensation occurs when we force ourselves to engage in activities outside of our comfort zone. The discomfort we may feel before engaging in a new experience may actually be a lot worse than the situation itself. For example, think of an individual who is very anxious about flying. The more he tells himself that he cannot stand the discomfort associated with flying, the greater the discomfort he experiences, and before he knows it he is avoiding flying to escape the feeling. I would not try to argue that he should enjoy flying, which would be awfully rigid of me. Rather, I would ask him to consider that while he does not like to fly, and he may never actually enjoy it, he can tolerate it. It would not be logical to ask someone to feel something positive about an activity they find to be aversive; however, convincing oneself that he cannot stand it also defies logic and is not very helpful in helping one to achieve their goals.
The next time you find yourself coming down with a case of “I cant-stand-it-itis” try to consider whether you have dealt with a similar situation in the past. If so, you just proved that you are capable of handling it. Furthermore, question the logic of your cannots and examine whether or not these beliefs are helping you in the situation. Foremost, the best cure for this disorder is to do the exact opposite of what you’re telling yourself. The more you tell yourself to avoid or escape the more important it is to jump in and face the discomfort head-on. A little dose of rational thinking can certainly do the mind some good.
