by Deniz Sidali, M.A.
I saw a comedy movie a few days ago called Hector in Search of Happiness. I highly recommend seeing this British film because it was not only very funny but it in fact incorporated a lot of REBT principles and approaches that we have discussed so far as it pertains to our current blog concerning man’s (and woman’s) eternal quest to achieve happiness. Just to give a brief synopsis of the plot, it involves the protagonist, Hector, who is a successful London based psychiatrist who has been treating patients for the past 15 years. As a caveat, Hector not only provides medication but actual therapy to his patients. Having said that, Hector by his own accord leads a very predictable and boring life tolerating very little uncertainty or change. Hector has limited ability to come into contact with or express his emotions. For the most part, Hector feels satisfied with his mundane life and work treating his patients. However, Hector grows increasingly dissatisfied with his lifestyle and work with his patients.
So one day, whilst listening to one of his patients complain, he verbally reprimands her for whining over trivial matters while others experience true suffering in the world. This becomes a turning point for Hector to make meaningful changes within his monotonous life. Hector comes to the painful realization that he is incapable of successfully helping his patients get better because he himself is unhappy. From this point onwards, Hector decides that he will take an indefinite leave from his work as a psychiatrist and much to her dismay informs his girlfriend that he is on a quest for happiness. Hector decides to take a trip to various parts of the world such as China, Tibet, Africa and California to conduct research on happiness and what makes people happy. Without revealing too many details and spoiling the movie for everyone, Hector encounters several interesting characters (some familiar and others unfamiliar) and experiences situations that help him to finally find what happiness means for him. Oh and by the way, Hector keeps a journal where he documents important quotes to define ways to achieve happiness based on his personal experiences throughout the journey. A few of these informative quotes on happiness developed by Hector include:
- Happiness means not making silly comparisons.
- The pursuit of happiness does not entail the avoidance of unhappiness.
- Happiness means accepting yourself and others.
- Sometimes happiness means not knowing the entire story.
- Can you love two women at the same time and be happy?
- Happiness means seizing something at that precise moment.
- Happiness means not dwelling on the past but looking towards the future.
Basically, the movie encompasses various REBT themes, principles and approaches. It looks at living and being present in the moment which is akin to a lot of mindfulness techniques. It shows how things can always get worse. The movie depicts how focusing on others, their pain, joy, happiness and suffering and not focusing on yourself all the time, can teach you more about yourself and how to be happy. It highlights how the practical solution (external triggering events) are not always the best solution to your problems (i.e., by examining how a wealthy businessman whom Hector encounters believes he is happy by acquiring millions). Hector learns to accept himself (USA or unconditional self-acceptance), unconditionally accept others (UOA or unconditional other acceptance) when he encounters characters with a criminal background, and unconditional life acceptance (i.e., when he experiences life threatening situations) which in turn improves his frustration tolerance. Hector discovers how his inner strength or resilience enables him to deal with challenging situations. Hector’s rigidity in his thinking, feeling and behaving are tested repeatedly. Resilience along with how he views or perceives these difficult situations enable him to not only survive but to appreciate true happiness when encountering extreme discomfort and unhappiness.
Hector learns to appreciate being a part of a social support network when he reconnects with old friends, and makes new friends who genuinely like him. The protagonist shows how living in the past isn’t useful but could instead be a hindrance towards the goal of striving towards one’s self-actualization in the future. To use an analogy, the movie depicts how a parked car doesn’t go anywhere. If you want to change, you must do. Be the master of your own destiny! If the worst thing that comes to mind happens, it is uncomfortable but not horrible.
The movie also shows how time stands still for no man or woman, in that if we want to experience happiness, love or joy we should do now what we keep putting off for tomorrow. Because sometimes things can drastically change in that one moment. Things can always get worse in life. And the protagonist experiences this first hand when he states, I could die before I have achieved true happiness. There are others who are in worse condition than us (i.e., such as a character with a brain tumor) who are surprisingly happier and who can impart wisdom about happiness. And there are those who are wealthier than us, but less happy. Happiness has less to do with our condition in life. And more to do with how we view our condition and what we tell ourselves in order to feel happy/unhappy. So I hope those of you who are interested in the pursuit of happiness will go see this movie, and enjoy it just as much as I did.
