by Kristen Tobias, M.A.
“It is our nature to conform; it is a force which many can not successfully resist…We are creatures of outside influences; as a rule we do not think, we only imitate…The outside influences are always pouring in upon us, and we are always obeying their orders and accepting their verdicts. The Smiths like the new play; the Joneses go to see it, and they copy the Smith verdict.” – Mark Twain
During the holiday season, it can be easy to get caught up in a materialistic quagmire. We are bombarded by messages that encourage great consumption. I hypothesize that it becomes very difficult to disentangle what we want, from want we think we should want, or worse, what we deserve (i.e., should possess). Not to single out Apple, but new versions of the iPhone are an easy example. Many people get new versions before the old version has been used to its capacity. Granted each new version seemingly has improved upon features, but how many people use their iPhone with this level of sophistication? Does the new version improve quality of life commensurate with the burden of the cost?
The madness of Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping seems to set the societal tone for holiday consumerism. You can almost hear the demands of customers as they trample on one another, subsequent to waiting in line for hours to engage in a spending fest. We abide by societal demands to spend, no matter what the cost (e.g., credit card debt, Thanksgiving dinner cut short, having people work on a national holiday, etc.). The zeitgeist of the start of the holiday season has apparently shifted from one of thanks, to one of consumption.
Holiday gift giving can turn into a sea of demands. What we should give to someone, what someone should give to us, how awful the exchange is when it is not reciprocal. The horror when someone spends less on us than we did on them! The Joneses philosophy involves thinking about what we should have and thoughts of inferiority for what we don’t have, a mentality that seems to flourish in a season of consumerism.
What can we do to rise above the keeping up with the Joneses mentality (or the more updated idiom, Keeping up with the Kardashians, KUWTK for short)? Perhaps a values assessment is in order. Examination of what is important to us, and what improves our quality of life. This idea can be applied to gift giving and importantly, gift receiving. We can engage in thinking that places the thoughtfulness of the gift above the price tag. We can spend within our means and refrain from awfulizing about not having more money to spend. What are your ideas for a holiday season replete with an anti-keeping up with the Joneses philosophy?
