by Kristen Tobias, M.A.
From an evolutionary perspective, anger was an advantageous emotion that contributed to survival. In modern life, this emotion is inappropriately and excessively activated, and the potentially adverse consequences are plentiful. Anger is associated with a host of health problems and typically does not beget harmonious interpersonal relationships.
Anger is aroused by idiosyncratic beliefs, typically not foreign to individuals. In other words, most people are not in shock by the experience of feeling the emotion of anger. According to anger researchers DiGiuseppe & Tafrate (2007), anger is “…elicited by a perception of a threat (to one’s physical well-being, property, present or future recourses, self-image, social status or projected image to one’s group, maintenance of social rules that regulate daily life, or comfort), although it may persist even after the threat has passed.”
If we think about the chronicity of anger, we see that we are situated for a preemptive strike. We can anticipate difficult situations and rehearse coping statements, a strategy that has both short- and long-term benefits. In the short-term, preparation helps us to deal with an acute stressor. In the long-term, habitual practice will likely make the new thinking more automatic and assuage the severity and/or frequency of anger episodes.
Let’s work through an example. Whether you drive or take public transportation, the opportunity to face a trying situation during rush hour commute likely exists. On most days, I take the NYC subway and have a propensity to becoming angry. This system has rules; some are posted on the subway or platform (e.g., there is an illustration on many subway cars indicating that it is not okay to cut your nails while on the subway), some are announced over the loud speaker (e.g., you will frequently hear that it is not okay to try to hold the door open and that another subway car is approaching), and some are unspoken (e.g., passengers should get off the subway car before passengers on the platform try to get onto the subway car). It never fails that there are individuals that attempt to get on the subway car while you are getting off, and I make myself crazy over this reality. I start to visualize a car trying to pull into a parking spot while a car is pulling out of the same spot. I think that these individuals are egocentric, rude, senseless, etc. I demand that these horrible people should be following the unspoken rule of letting people get off before they come on (to be fair, sometimes an announcement is made that pleas for this sensible sequence of events to occur). With this visual image and these cognitions, it is no wonder that I make myself angry.
I’ve recently started a preemptive strike against my commute craziness. Before I even get to the subway platform, I am thinking about the scenario described above to prepare myself for an unpleasant situation. I think about the reality of individuals that will try to get onto my packed subway car as I am trying to get off. I rationally think that there is no reason why anyone should follow an unspoken rule; in fact, there is a lot of evidence that people don’t follow written rules! I think about the idea that everyone I will encounter is an imperfect human being who exhibits good and bad behavior, just like myself. I further muse that even though I want people to do things a certain way (and even if the majority of people would agree with me), there is no reason why everyone must behave this way. It is not awful that people behave this way, even if it makes my commute less pleasant and slightly longer.
I have been practicing these new beliefs for some time now and can honestly say that I have a different experience. I feel annoyed instead of angry, and I have to admit that not getting angry during rush hour madness makes for a much more pleasant experience. What is the most irritating part of your commute? How do you prevent yourself from feeling subway steam or road rage?
