by Shannon O’Neill, M.A.
While training for my first long distance race, I can safely say I was one of few who thought it was a good idea. Many looked at me with confusion while others simply asked, “Why?” Like most, when my friends and family heard their loved one was going to run 45 miles, they were concerned. As those around me began to question my ability, I did the same. My confidence steadily transformed to uncertainty. Ultimately, I chose to move forward with the goal because it was what I wanted. As for others’ opinions, although warranted, they could not persuade me otherwise. After five months of training, I completed the race based on the self-efficacy I acquired from myself.
Self-efficacy is the extent to which one believes they can complete a task. This confidence is developed through many sources. Three common sources are as follows: direct performance, vicarious learning, and social persuasion. For many, social persuasion is a large factor in self-efficacy. One’s confidence may increase or decrease based on the encouragement or discouragement from others. Where does the foundation of your self-efficacy come from?
Receiving encouragement from others is an enjoyable experience, especially when it comes from those who matter most to you. But what happens when the social persuasion doesn’t work in your favor? If others voice their disapproval, do you listen? Some may choose to chase dreams only after receiving validation from those around them. However, when outside opinions sway your behavior, you are allowing others to navigate YOUR life. Even if you do choose to advance with your goal after the disapproval of others, what is the intention behind it? Some people are motivated for the wrong reasons. For example, some may proceed with a goal to prove how superior and noble they are or to spite relatives and friends who told them they couldn’t do it. In other words, one’s only driving motivator to succeed is to be vindictive. Although this can be a form of motivation, don’t allow it to be your driving force.
In sum, if the dream is yours, can you move forward without the validation of others? It may be preferable, but falling into the pattern of demanding their approval will not assist in reaching your goal in any way. When we become concerned with the opinions of others, we may follow their path rather than our own. Don’t lose sight of what you desire just because others don’t understand it. Propel yourself forward regardless of their approval or disapproval.
“I am self-propelled; fueled from within. I appreciate people’s opinions, but I’m not attached to them. I learned a long time ago that if I give them the power to feed me, I also give them the power to starve me.” -Dr. Steve Maraboli
