By Elissa Habinsky, M.A., M.S.
In REBT we speak often about emotion and the difference between Unhealthy Negative Emotion (UNE) and Healthy Negative Emotion (HNE). The goal of therapy is to move clients from UNEs to HNEs. Listed under the category of UNEs include: anxiety, shame, anger, guilt, depression, problematic jealousy and problematic envy, to name just a few. Their counterparts, the HNEs include: concern, disappointment, annoyance, regret, sadness, concern for relationship and healthy envy.
But what about “feeling overwhelmed”? Often, people say they feel overwhelmed when asked to report their emotion. However overwhelmed is not an emotion at all. Rather, the true definition of overwhelmed is “to overcome completely in mind or feeling”, and an example given is: overwhelmed by remorse. And therein lies the rub. You cannot feel overwhelmed, but you can be overwhelmed with a feeling. Therefore the follow-up question one needs to ask themselves or others is overwhelmed with what?
I tend to fall into the “overwhelmed trap” this time of year, when the semester is beginning and my to-do list seems never-ending. When friends or family ask me how I am doing, I simply reply ” I feel overwhelmed”. It is imprecise, but true. If I actually stopped to think about what I am overwhelmed with, it would be two-fold, with the many tasks that I have to complete, and with feelings of anxiety. Of those two, the anxiety is the more distressing as that emotion gets in the way of my completing the tasks. Thus, if I said I was anxious rather than overwhelmed it would help me to both clarify my problem and to identify an alternative HNE such as concern. Another possibility is that I hold the Irrational Belief (iB) that I cannot stand how many things I have to do. Personally the former resonates with me. Therefore, the next time someone in your life tells you that they feel overwhelmed, keep this in mind and perhaps gently ask them, “with what?”
