by Chris Kelly, M.A.
Is there some task you’ve been putting off? When you think about doing whatever it is, do you then say something like “suck it up!” or “just do it!” to yourself? That’s fairly common advice, and it does work for some people and in some situations. You will know it works if you then immediately get to work and get the task done.
But when depressed or anxious, these “motivational” mantras often backfire. The reason they backfire is because an implicit negative self-judgment often sneaks in at the end of the mantra. There is a world of difference between saying “Just do it” and “Just do it, me!….And if I don’t, then something must be wrong with me. This should not be this hard!”.
For some people, that last sentence comes pretty naturally. However, whether or not some idea comes naturally has nothing to do with whether or not it is true. If that task–whether it is getting out of bed or writing a term paper–were really that easy, you would have done it already. “Easy” is just another way of saying something “requires little effort, thought, or reflection” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/easy, retrieved September 8, 2015). Are you putting in a lot of effort? Then, by definition, it is hard for you in that moment. There will be times that the same task will be easier or harder for you, and this is just the reality of the human condition.
The problem begins when we say to ourselves that whatever task *should not be* hard for us to do. But, why should it not? Let’s take the example of getting out of bed when you are severely depressed. One of the main hallmarks of depression is fatigue or loss of energy; another is impaired concentration/indecisiveness. These symptoms are often compounded by sleep problems (either too much or too little) in depression. It makes perfect sense that, when severely depressed, it will be *harder* to get out of bed than it is for someone who is not.
It’s not fair that it is harder. Having to put much more effort in means you spend more energy and resources than others have to. You have less energy and resources to do other things during your day. Life–by definition–would be easier if you didn’t have depression.
Still, whether or not we are “responsible” for our current situation is irrelevant; we are nevertheless responsible for dealing with it. Some people think that if they don’t chastise themselves, they will never change. But if you’re so busy telling yourself how badly you screwed up and how hopeless the situation is, the less time and energy you will have to go about fixing it. You don’t have to like what is happening. You don’t have to approve of your past behavior. But continuing to tell yourself that you are broken or bad is much more likely to increase anxiety, guilt, shame, and depression–making it all the more difficult to change. Simply acknowledging that your situation is difficult or unfair is not the same as giving yourself a “free pass.” A free pass would be swinging to the opposite extreme and telling yourself that you are perfect and wonderful–something you’re not likely to truly believe anyway. The more effective option is to step out of the self-judgment. Acknowledge the painful reality of the situation. You needn’t chastise yourself to know that you don’t like your situation. You already know that.
Notice the next time you find yourself saying these mantras. Did you feel worse afterward? If so, take a look at what you’re really saying to yourself. Remember that saying “why haven’t I done this yet? Something must be wrong with me.” is not the same thing as saying “just do it” full stop.
One last note – if you do find that negative self-judgments are a problem for you, Be careful not to judge yourself for judging yourself. You’ve likely had a lot of practice over the years at judging yourself. It makes a lot of sense that you would be quick to do so. The work here is recognizing that your negative self-evaluation is a pattern and it takes a lot of practice to change. Like any other skill, it requires lots of work. The only question is, is it worth it to you to start dropping some of these self-judgments?
