by Deniz Sidali, M.A.
‘Tis the season to be jolly, drink egg nog, wrap gifts, light candles, decorate the XMAS tree, and spend quality time with our loved ones. But it’s not all merry all the time. Some people feel burden, depression, regret, stress, and burn out around the holidays. We may not have anyone to spend the holidays with. Or, we remember those we have lost. We often feel pressure to embrace the holiday spirit when our hearts may not be fully vested in all the festivities. Some people may not be financially able to purchase gifts for co-workers or loved ones. What should be a joyous occasion may feel like a burden for others to maintain appearances. So what are some tips to cope with these holiday season blues?
First, there is no law or rule stating that we should, must, or have to, participate in holiday festivities. It would be preferable if we did, but we don’t have to partake in holiday parties. On the flip side, if we choose not to participate, we may isolate ourselves from others and feel even more intense negative emotions (i.e., depression, regret, and stress). Then, it may be harder to break out of this way of feeling. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to be a part of all the holiday activities. Or, as Ellis used to say, “Fake it until you make it”.
Second, remember to pamper and be good to yourself. Sometimes all we need is a break from the chaos going on around us. Treat yourself to a good meal, a glass of bubbly, a spa treatment, take a walk, or call friends and family. The holidays are about giving so why not include yourself in this?
Third, you may choose to go somewhere where they don’t celebrate XMAS/Chanukah. Lots of people do this guilt-free. And other people envy them for taking the initiative to to go away. In REBT, we refer to this as the practical solution. We change a circumstance to suit our needs in order to feel, think and behave better.
Fourth, if your finances are not sufficient, you can always give gift cards, or be creative and make or bake your gifts. I always prefer a home baked rum cake over an ugly sweater I will either never wear or most likely recycle. Nothing says that you care more than making your own gifts.
Fifth, don’t make any rash or hasty decisions when you are down in the dumps. All bad times shall come to pass. You just need to ride it out. Try to be mindful or present in the moment by enjoying all the decorations, scrumptious smells, and think of all the things you are grateful for. In other words, count your blessings.
Sixth, don’t use the upcoming New Year as a barometer to measure your shortcomings or failures. A lot of people use this time to make resolutions about what to change or don’t like about themselves. And then, they violate these resolutions and feel bad or worse about themselves. If you really want to change, do it now, rather than later (i.e., in the New Year). Use this time as a period of self-reflection (i.e., how far you have come, good times/memories, and optimism for the future).
