by Elissa Habinsky, M.A., M.S.
We live in a digital age where we can reach out to friends, colleagues, and family members 24/7. And while this immediate connection via email or text can be beneficial in certain circumstances, it can also have negative consequences.
As a result of these instantaneous forms of communication, many people have developed unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of others. For example, people often believe that since they sent a text or an email to someone, that the person should therefore “insta-respond”. In the language of REBT, individuals put demands on others, as well as themselves to respond immediately, and if they don’t, they may engage in self-damnation or other-damnation. One such example is “He should respond immediately to me, and because he didn’t, he is worthless.”
So I ask, “Why should people respond as soon as they receive a text from you?” “Could they be engaged in some other task or responsibility?.” There are a plethora of legitimate reasons why someone would not respond. Further, even if they don’t have a good reason, they still do not need to respond to you. It also does not logically follow that if a person doesn’t reply quickly that they or you are condemnable. A healthier perspective is to say to yourself that “It would be nice if my friends responded promptly, however they do not have to.”
In addition to adopting a healthier outlook, some practical steps can be taken with regard to this issue:
1. When possible, have open conversations with others about expectations of digital communication. Do they find it strange when someone doesn’t respond to texts right away? Do they listen to their voicemails often or not at all?
2. Further, many issues can be avoided entirely by taking communications offline. Try calling your friend or meeting him/her in person to discuss important matters rather than sending a text or email.
