by Deniz Sidali, M.A.
My role as a therapist is to help others to help themselves. However, it may be really difficult to not infuse REBT into our conversation with a friend who is confiding in us or seeking our help/opinion. “Well, can you see the connection between telling yourself that your boyfriend is a terrible, worthless person who doesn’t help or love you can lead to you feeling angry and depressed?” A lot of times, we have to be cognizant that we are acting more as a therapist and less as a friend, and this may blur the lines of professionalism, ethics and our friendship. If only we could turn ourselves on and off as easily as a light switch.
That being said, I don’t usually tell people I meet for the first time what I do for a living. Not because I am ashamed of what I do. On the contrary, I love what I do for a living. But, mainly because I know if I tell people I am a therapist, they usually proceed to ask me for help or advice (aka free therapy) and they divulge a lot of sensitive material that I may not want or need to know. One time I was at a friend’s house for a party, when my friend announced to the man I was speaking with, “She is a therapist. You can tell her all your dirty little secrets”. Well, that is exactly what happened. For the entire night, for about four hours, this gentleman divulged every intimate, sensitive, dark moment in his life. I was really upset at my friend for disclosing my profession, as I have few opportunities to enjoy a night out and did not want to go into therapist mode. I decided to not comment on anything the man disclosed as he was not in a therapeutic relationship with me and I did not want to be held accountable for any advice he solicited. I merely smiled, nodded my headed, occasionally validated his feelings, and suffered quietly. I felt really angry at my friend for ruining my evening. So at that point I did REBT on myself in order to calm down, “It’s not the end of the world if this guy knows I am a therapist”, “This will be a great lesson on how to deal with future instances when people learn what I do for a living”, “There is nothing stated that people should not ask me for advice”, “I would prefer not to talk about work, or be asked for clinical advice, but it’s not the worst thing that can happen and I can deal with it”.
So the moral to what I have learned is that as therapists we should strive to be upstanding citizens in our personal lives and professionals in our work lives. We can practice what we preach, but should have self-awareness to know when to take our therapist hat off and hang it on a hook during our personal lives and interactions.
