by Brianna Cheney, M.A.
At this time of year, many of us are generating resolutions for the New Year related to self-improvement. Regardless of the nature of your resolution, there are a couple of quick take-away lessons from REBT that may help you to achieve your goals.
Replace rigid demands with flexible preferences.
While many people view rigid self-discipline as the key to success in making personal changes, both REBT and self-compassion researchers suggests that imposing rigid demands on ourselves (e.g., “I must go to the gym X times per week!” or “I must not eat any carbs this week!”) often leads to catastrophizing and unhealthy negative emotions that can get in the way of our achieving goals. REBT therapists would recommend replacing such rigid self-demands with beliefs that acknowledge our preferences and the realistic consequences if your preference is not met. For example, a rational statement for someone trying to increase dieting might be, “I would like to exercise X times this week, but there is no reason I MUST do so. Even if I don’t meet this week’s goal, I’ll have the opportunity to try again next week.” This alternative thought not only sets you up to strive toward your behavioral goal but also to accept the realistic consequences that would follow not completing it.
Quit condemning yourself if you do fall short of goals.
In a study on self-compassion and dieting, Wake Forest researchers found that women who were provided with a brief intervention to increase self-compassion about eating ‘forbidden foods’ ate significantly fewer sweets than women who did not receive this intervention. REBT therapists might hypothesize that the brief self-compassion intervention helped women to refrain from condemning themselves for eating certain foods, which helped to reduce their unhealthy negative emotions (e.g., guilt, depression, anxiety) and, thus, their emotional eating. The take-away lesson here is that judging yourself for falling short of goals is not necessary to changing your behavior and, in some instances, can get in the way of doing so!
As you pursue your resolutions for 2016, consider trading in rigid, self-depreciating self-talk for more flexible, self-compassionate self-talk. Doing so is likely to make maintaining your resolutions more enjoyable and more effective!
