by Raymond Moody, M.A.
Have you noticed how many blog entries are about our daily commutes on the subway? It goes without saying that most New Yorkers hate riding the subway while at the same time agree that it is much faster and affordable than driving. Different aspects of the subway are the worst depending on the season. In the summer months, the subway platforms are hot and sticky waiting areas and people’s frustration grows as each minute passes while waiting for their train. Stepping onto an air-conditioned subway car is a welcomed relief for passengers in the summer. In the winter, the platforms are comfortable and are a close match to the temperature outside. People are comfortable in their winter coats as they wait for their morning commute. Stepping onto a heated subway car is a different story, immediately we begin to regret our wardrobe as we start to sweat underneath all our heavy clothes. Sometimes it feels as if there is no air circulating and as our body temperature rises we sometimes feel nauseous. I often regret not eating breakfast before my commute when I am overheating on a train and feel my blood sugar drop and my knees go weak. With all of this physical discomfort often comes emotional discomfort, often in the form of anger or anxiety. For me, what both of the seasonal train problems come down to is frustration intolerance and expectations for how others should behave. Thoughts that trigger unhealthy emotions include, “I can’t stand being uncomfortable,” “I shouldn’t have worn such warm clothes,” “People shouldn’t crowd me on the train,” etc.
There are a couple possible solutions to our problem. One, we could do what Albert Ellis called the inelegant solution and target the “A.” That is, we try to fix aspects of the event where the problem occurs. For this, I could plan to eat breakfast every morning, drink 2 glasses of water, and wear layers of clothing that I can peel off. The problem here is that I am unlikely to eat breakfast at home every morning (I’ve tried) and that my wardrobe doesn’t provide me with enough options to do multiple fashionable layers every day. Additionally, this doesn’t address the train traffic and the crowds of people on the train. A better option is to go elegant and address the “B,” the unhelpful beliefs that cause our unhealthy negative emotions. If we can come up with more rational beliefs we will be better equipped to avoid anger and anxiety across variety of highly frustrating situations, regardless of how hungry we are or what clothes we are wearing.
One unhealthy belief is that “I can’t stand being uncomfortable and that if I get too hot on the train I might pass out, and that would be the worst thing that could happen to me.” In reality, I can imagine much worse things happening to me. A healthy alternative belief is that “I don’t like being uncomfortable but that does not mean I won’t survive being uncomfortable for my commute on the subway.” Another unhealthy belief that I sometimes have is “People should respect my personal space and comfort and not crowd me on the subway.” A healthy alternative could be, “I want people to respect my personal space on the subway but unfortunately they don’t have to, and if they don’t, it’s not good, but it does not mean that these people are bad. They are fallible and they are just trying to get to work on time like the rest of us.” With these alternative beliefs on hand I will be ready to face my morning commute tomorrow without getting angry.
In summary, we can’t control the weather, trains or other people but we can change our emotions by changing our thinking.
