By Rosina Pzena, M.S.
Last weekend I was completely overbooked. I had multiple friends’ birthdays, a Halloween party, two posters I had worked on were being presented at the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) annual convention, and I was also starting to get sick and needed some rest. I had agreed to attend all of these events, but when I actually sat down and thought about it, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it all without exhausting myself. Attending the conference would be a good networking and learning experience; but also, I knew that I had blown off these friends too many times in the past due to schoolwork and responsibilities. And truthfully, all I really wanted to do was stay in bed all weekend.
I knew it was time to say no to something, but what? I had the thought that if I didn’t attend the conference, that would make me a bad student/researcher… but if I didn’t support my friends on their birthdays (after not being there for them pretty much all year) that would make me a bad friend. How could I let myself be either of those things? Then I realized what Albert Ellis would say to me: “How dare you not be superwoman!!” I reminded myself that I was only a human being and, furthermore, that missing an event does not make me a fully bad student or a bad friend, only a fallible human being who can’t be in two places at once.
Once I was comfortable with saying no to something, I had to make a values decision. Both research/knowledge and friendships are hugely important to me. I weighed in the fact that I am already spending the majority of my time on school and research, and attended a conference only a few months ago, while I hadn’t seen these friends in longer than that. I decided to let myself have some fun this weekend and forgo the conference. Shockingly, I wasn’t struck down by the hand of God for not attending a conference, I wasn’t shunned by colleagues, and my career lives to see another day. There’s always ABCT 2017!
