by Mark Schiffman, M.S.
“She’s just wrong!” “What he is saying just doesn’t make any sense!” Oftentimes we find ourselves in destructive patterns of communication with our significant others. While we perceive ourselves as being totally rational, he or she is totally inconsistent, illogical, and irrational. While one might question the veracity of who is on the right side of the argument, oftentimes, trying to prove who is right just makes things worse. Getting to the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth, may be a value in court, but if used too often in marriage it will more likely just lead to divorce court.
A more helpful approach, albeit tougher to swallow, is to accept our partners’ “irrationalities” for what they are and not engage in the pursuit of truth and justice in an argument. Sticking to our guns because of “the principle of the matter” will probably not end in marital peace, harmony, or satisfaction. To quote one of my mentors and supervisors here at AEI, Dr. Ray DiGiuseppe, we all have a choice – “Do you want to be right or married?” If we demand and pursue being right all the time, we will probably do some pretty bad damage to our relationships. So in most instances, we will probably be better off choosing married rather than right.
