by Thomas Whitfield, M.A.
I hate flying. Not the act of flying, I’m very happy sitting on a plane for hours watching a movie, eating, drinking, writing, or playing games. I hate boarding and exiting the plane, it seems as though everyone who is flying must be doing it for the first time because mostly no one appears to have any idea what the general processes are. Large groups of people hover around the gate even though their boarding number hasn’t been called, have carry-on bags that are clearly too large, and talk on their phones making them completely unaware of anything going on around them. I have a history of getting so angry with flying that one of my friends refuses to even share a cab with me to the airport, go through security, or wait at the gate. But, they will sit next to me, because I’m more rational then (they just won’t talk to me until after we’ve taken off).
I’ve been working with REBT for a while now, so the last time I flew I challenged my demands of other passengers. Are there any rules stating that everyone who flies must: 1. Be aware of others around them; 2. Not hover around gate entrances blocking others paths; 3. Not yell across the aisles to their friends; 4. Put on deodorant; 5. Not block the aisle holding up the entire line of people boarding while they get something out of their bag, take off their jacket, hang a suit, and find a place for their camera bag. No, there are no rules against these things, and even if there were airline rules, it doesn’t mean people will always follow them. I’d just prefer other passengers did as I’d like them to. I realize I’m not alone in finding at least some of these things annoying, but not everyone gets annoyed, frustrated, or angry to the point that I do. A month or so ago I was headed to Miami for a training and decided this was a good time to practice challenging some of these irrational beliefs that during air travel everyone must behave as I’d prefer. I crafted the statement, “I’d prefer that this person doesn’t block the aisle while they unpack their life and hold up the line, but there is no universal law saying they can’t, and this happening doesn’t have to ruin my flight.” I worked with this statement for all of the different situations that happened throughout the boarding process, and it did help. I would say my anger was changed to a more manageable, while still unpleasant, state of frustration.
During the flight, I reexamined my statements and thought about what I could expect for exiting the plane. Surely at least 10 people will rush from the back up the aisle in an attempt to be the first person off the plane, someone will have to squeeze past everyone to grab their bag that had to be placed behind them, and there will again be yelling from one side of the plane to the other. I crafted some thoughts around how there are no laws stating this can’t happen, and even if there were, it could still happen. This time, I added a step. I began listening to a mindfulness meditation recording when it was announced we were heading into our final decent. By the time we landed and were able to exit the plane, I was calm and focused. It was extremely easy for me to focus on my rational beliefs and I even found myself smiling at those people engaging in silly behaviors like running up the aisle and yelling to their friends. For myself, adding the meditation in helped me to engage in the world differently. If I keep this practice up, soon I might even be allowed to fly with my friend again.
What are some of the ways you cope with your airline stressors?
