By Stephanie Grossman, M.A.
As my 30th birthday is fast-approaching, I am now confronting, more acutely than ever before, this once seemingly far off, inevitable process of “aging.” The signs of change are there, both physiological- sun spots and under-eye circles, neck and back problems that require weekly physical therapy- and social- more time is spent talking about wedding and babies with friends than it was 5 years ago. With this upcoming birthday, I noticed that I’ve been focusing on the aging process more than I normally do. I’m experiencing anxiety at coming to terms with “getting older” (I think, will I be able to have children? Is it still acceptable to dress up on Halloween in your 30s?), and anxiety noticing physical changes (What will come next? In what ways could I become physically limited? As I age, will the world see me differently than how I see myself?). I have struggled with the simultaneous uncertainty and inevitability of it all.
In addition to the anxiety, though, I’ve been feeling both embarrassed and angry at myself for caring about looking older. On the one hand, a big part of my identity is as a feminist woman and budding psychologist who studies women’s appearance concerns and disordered eating, and how low self-worth and sexism can influence these unhealthy attitudes and behaviors. My goal, professionally, is to work towards a world where women and girls have more rights, feel confident in their own skin, and make healthy decisions about their lives and their bodies as a result. In considering my recent anxiety, I’ve also realized how another part of my identity is one of being youthful. I’m used to being young, looking a certain way, and embracing the childish (free-spirited?) aspects of my personality. And now I’m mad at myself for caring about how I look. I think, this isn’t me, this goes against my whole life philosophy- I should not be concerned about my appearance, I am giving into the sexist sociocultural expectations for women! Why did I spend this past weekend talking with a friend about the latest K-beauty trends instead of working on my dissertation!? I have, however, been trying to work towards unconditional self-acceptance, both in terms of accepting myself at any age, and also accepting the fact that I might not always be happy with myself. Despite my best efforts, I’m human, and get caught up in society pressures like everyone else. Nevertheless, while I can’t control my age, I can always work on accepting myself. What are your secrets for aging gracefully?
