By Stephen C. Bosco, M.A.
I went through a horrific break-up recently. We were together for about three and half years and I thought of him as “the one”. We moved in together and conversations revolved around color pallets and adopting a dog. I felt like I was living the perfect life, until it was not so perfect. It’s funny to think that romantic relationships have this ability to provide us with a greater sense of social support, self-confidence, and happiness, but when they end all those sensations are reversed. It is almost like we forget how to feel good on our own, but I will save that for another blog entry. So, jumping back into my tragic tale, our relationship ended, and he moved out four months after the break-up (thanks NYC lease agreements) and we decided it would be best if we never spoke again. This decision was rational and logical as it provided us each with the space to heal and move forward with our own lives.
After some time passed and I completed all of the self-healing processes of accepting the break-up, re-establishing my self-confidence, and realizing that, “Yes, I can actually find a relationship that better suits me.” I then felt comfortable enough to start dating again. One night when I was out with some friends, I met this guy and he was amazing. He checked a majority of the boxes on my “relationship must haves” list, to be honest I was quite smitten. Cut to a couple of months into our dating adventure, I received a text message from my ex-boyfriend, “hey”. I looked at my phone and thought, ‘Are you kidding me?’ We agreed to cease all communication and now that I moved on with my life and found someone, he decided it was a good time to chime in. I told the guy I was seeing about the message. We had a very open line of communication and he knew about my past, and he told me that if I felt the need to speak with my ex then I should. I ended up not responding to my ex’s text message as I did not believe any good would come out of us conversing. That is key, I did not have anything to talk to him about so why talk to him, it would not accomplish anything for me.
A couple of weeks passed, and my ex texted me again. He wanted to meet up to discuss our break-up. I was being haunted by my ex. It is almost like he knew I was in a good place and wanted to swoop in and ruin it or make me re-think my decisions. I stood strong and simply texted him back and said, “I don’t think there is a need for us to talk.” It is unnecessary to re-hatch the past as I had moved on and found someone new. To re-establish my self-confidence, I made the conscious decision to never look back. As easy as it sounds, it is a difficult process. To close the door on someone you once loved is no easy task, but it proved to be beneficial for me to close that chapter and start fresh. I will never forget my ex as he meant a lot to me, but I can no longer be haunted by his ghost. My advice is to anyone who has gone through a similar experience is to put yourself first in your own life and think about what you really want out of your life. Keep the focus on you.