By Kimberly Alexander, M.S.
Whether it be about family, dating and relationships, or work stress, perhaps there might be differences in terms of how one responds to a problem (not entirely or always) but in the end, NO ONE, therapist, client, or stoic philosopher, is immune to the possibility of an emotional upset.
In search for an objective source to help give me perspective when I need help managing my thoughts and feelings around a problem, a good friend suggested I listen to a podcast about the life and philosophy of Bruce Lee. Interestingly enough, I found that this podcast considerably overlaps with REBT theory and what we do here at AEI. Bruce Lee’s daughter, Shannon Lee, and culture analyst, Sharon Ann Lee, hold conversations about various philosophies that help to provide thought and action on how to create lives that feel authentic to who we are as an individual.
As Shannon and Sharon note, although we think of Bruce Lee as a powerful, controlled man, he was still human and prone to the same emotional difficulties or upsets like any other person. He was known to carry with him written affirmations as he moved through his day to serve as a reminder of the ways he would like to think and behave. Episode 16 focused on the following:
4th Affirmation: Emotions “Realizing that my emotions are both positive and negative, I will form daily habits which will encourage the development of the positive emotions and aid me in converting the negative emotions into some form of useful action.”
At different points in our lives we will experience happiness, as well as, sadness and anxiety. Our goal is to conduct our lives in a way in which we increase experiences of happiness and make useful, adaptive, prosocial, as well as, personally beneficial decisions when experiencing sadness and anxiety. I would further that our decision to make useful, adaptive, prosocial, as well as, personally beneficial decisions also applies to positive emotions as well.
5th Affirmation: Reason “Recognizing that my positive and negative emotions may be dangerous if they are not guided to desirable ends, I will submit all my desires, aims, and purposes to my faculty of reason, and I will be guided by it in giving expression to these.”
We often speak about experiences of awfulizing and catastrophizing and their negative effects on our emotions, but rarely do we speak of wonderfulizing and its impact. Yes, positive emotions in excess can lead to problems as well. So maybe you’re in the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, this person you’re with could do and hasn’t done any wrong. They’re Perfect! And then… something happens and those rose-colored lenses you were looking through are now the color of crap (sorry got a bit carried away : / ) Either way, what Bruce Lee says here in REBT terms is that both awfulizing and wonderfulizing is grounded in rigid wants, desires, and expectations that may be dangerous if we do not reason through what we so rigidly want/desire. Allow the expression of your positive and negative emotions to be guided by reason and flexibility than the rigid thinking that comes when we wonderfulize, awfulize or catastrophize.
6th Affirmation: Conscience “Recognizing that my emotions often err in their over-enthusiasm, and my faculty of reason often is without the warmth of feeling that is necessary to enable me to combine justice with mercy in my judgments, I will encourage my conscience to guide me as to what is right and wrong, but I will never set aside the verdict it renders, no matter what may be the cost of carrying them out.”
Occasionally, I have had clients ask me to decide on what is the “right” decision for them to make. The client may ask, “Kim, I don’t like what she did, should I break up with her?” and I often reply, “I’m not trying to be evasive and I can’t make that call for you because it’s based on what you want and believe you are capable of tolerating.” As Bruce Lee offers, although our emotions can often be intensely driven by rigid wants/desires, our reasoning is logical and has the tendency to be cold. Instead of valuing one over the other, “Let your conscience be your guide.” – Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio That is, consider the information your emotions are telling you about the things you value and the logic your reasoning provides in order to make an impartial yet merciful decision no matter the cost of making that decision. So… you may have to break up, it will hurt, but for you, it just might be the “right” thing to do.
A staple of REBT is the daily rehearsal of rational self-statements. Whether or not these quotes fit your style, I think it’s important to incorporate a way to remind yourself of the ways to think better and do better, as well as, that you are also “Just right, and quite alright” regardless!
For more on Episode 16 (10/26/2016) Affirmations: Emotions, Reason and Conscience, click the link below:
And for the list of all episodes click: