By: Ashley Oliver, M.S.
True Confession: I have been avoiding my grandmother’s phone calls. It’s officially been 2 weeks and 2 days that I have purposefully “missed” her phone calls.
Why would I be avoiding a precious 93-year-old woman? Well let me give you some background information. My grandma is a remarkable woman. She is hilarious, strong willed, honest, and has this unique ability to light up any room she enters. She can gracefully handle any situation life throws at her and is able to see the “good” in everyone and everything. Despite her being absolutely amazing, my grandmother presently struggles with complications from diabetes and grows weaker as the days go by. The thought of losing her has become increasingly more difficult for me to tolerate. Hence, me avoiding her phone calls.
Over the past six months, my grandmother only wants to talk to me about future great grandkids and planning her funeral to be the biggest and best party anyone has ever attended. Yes you heard correctly! She wants her funeral to be a huge celebratory event full of singing and dancing. And no tears! She has strictly forbidden anyone from crying. Honestly I was shocked at first by her frank ability to discuss her potential passing so openly. Even after several months of listening to her go on and on about her “party”, I still feel uncomfortable hearing about it. I often battle with a conflicting desire to 1.) Embrace my grandmother’s desires regarding her passing or 2.) Avoid the conversation around death all together because of the potential hurt I will experience. Ladies and gentlemen, I have chosen the latter. Losing someone you love can be difficult. For me, I have been avoiding talking to my grandmother (which I love to do) because I have become afraid of losing her.
It’s as if I have lived in a bubble shrouded by the belief that nothing bad can truly ever happen to me. While in this bubble, I unconsciously believed that car accidents were unlikely; that bullets don’t stray; that sickness is preventable and that life’s storms always give fair enough warning. Well the bubble has been popped! I am now liberated from the ignorant bliss that life is the result of what you do or don’t do. It rains on the just and unjust, and as the rain falls, you hopefully realize that you can either be upset that it is raining or glad that rain dries.
Does it hurt to lose someone you love? Absolutely! No one wants to lose someone they love. But what do I achieve by attempting to “protect myself” and avoid my grandmother? The circumstances of my grandmother’s health remain the same. I am learning to choose to accept the situation (though I may not like it) and to be grateful for the time I have left with her. Gratitude is not a feeling, but rather it is a practice. I am training myself to be grateful for being able to call my grandmother and have her go on about her future funeral party and how I need to give her great grandkids ASAP. Plus I just miss her voice. So I am officially going to take a deep breath and call her.
What are some of the things or people you are currently avoiding? (Don’t worry—I wont judge!) And what steps can you take to begin accepting life’s circumstances and practice experiencing gratitude?