By: Stephen C. Bosco, M.A.
Over the summer, I started seeing someone in the romantic sense, or so I initially thought. Early in the courtship, our time spent together was pleasant as it was filled with laughter, jokes, and becoming better acquainted with each other at a variety of levels. It was during the “honeymoon phase” of dating that I found myself at ease and convinced that this person was a suitable candidate to play the role of potential partner. This automatic thought process of experiencing something good followed by the belief that this romantic connection will remain stable often gets me into sticky situations. The “sticky situation” I thought would not present itself, soon began to unfold.
It was about a month or so into dating when he vocalized that he was in love with someone else. Despite the fact that his words caught me off guard, I decided to inquire more about this mystery man. He rambled on for twenty minutes about how he believes this man to be his “soulmate”, but the catch was this “soulmate man” was in a relationship with someone else. Feeling deflated, I realized I was in a sticky situation fighting an overwhelming number of thoughts. What was I to do, follow my heart and continue to pursue this amazing man or let this brief romantic escapade fall by the wayside, as he was not emotionally stable enough to handle a romantic relationship. I chose the masochistic path and followed my heart under the assumption that he would change his mind. We played the game of “cute couple” as we continued to be involved almost as if the “soulmate man” conversation never occurred.
Playing “cute couple” began to take a mental toll as I developed deeper feelings. He was playing this game all too well. He knew what to say to me or how to make me feel special. The phone would ring and the next thing I knew I was in a cab on the way to his house. If I were to try and switch up the rules of the game and act distant, he would find ways to lure me back. I wanted nothing more than to get up and walk away from this torturous game, but I could not find the path out. I should have the strength to get up and walk away from a game I was set up to lose and also to tell him how I really feel and that I deserve better than this emotionally draining cat and mouse game, but the words never found my lips.
After talking with some of my friends about this love game, I was reminded that I have a voice and the ability to communicate assertively my concerns and emotions. The friendly pep talk and metaphoric pat on the back helped motivate me to sit this man down and openly express my emotions. Accomplishing this goal would allow me to ease my mind and reaffirm myself for being a person that deserves more than love games. When we spoke, I remained assertive and goal-oriented and he was very receptive and appreciative of my candor. He needed time to process the information, but regardless of the outcome, I was able to stand up for my beliefs and speak my heart, which was a proud moment. My advice to anyone who finds himself or herself involved in a similar love game is always to remain true to your wants and desires. There will always be negotiables and compromises in a relationship, but your heart should never be the pawn.