By: Joseph Castrogiovanni, M.S.
“Wow! I really messed that up. Now Dr. Goodman and my peers know I have a hard time reading. I must have looked so stupid. How embarrassing!”
Anyone else hate reading aloud in front of others? Same here. To this day it is one of my least favorite activities; especially since I have Dyslexia. In short, this means you could binge watch several episodes of your favorite show on Netflix in the time it takes me to read a chapter.
The dyslexia is not going away anytime soon, and I will undoubtedly have to read aloud in the future. However, that does not mean this problem is immutable. For instance, feeling embarrassed does not help me read any better. In fact, it makes matters worse. Therefore, I can address this by working on my emotional problem.
Embarrassment is an unhealthy emotion for me because it feels uncomfortable and my ability to concentrate rapidly declines. With that in mind, I would like to be able to continue reading even if I make mistakes. Though this situation is provocative and undesirable, it does not inherently cause my emotional experience. I know this to be true because I have made innumerable mistakes and often look ridiculous in the process, but I don’t always feel embarrassed. Like that time I was giving a presentation and realized I didn’t save my PowerPoint correctly. In this instance I felt disappointed instead of embarrassed and was able to continue giving the presentation from memory. Accordingly, disappointment is healthier for me because I am able think in flexible and adaptive ways. The difference lies in my appraisal of the situation.
That said, when I was reading and began to make mistakes the appraisal that caused my embarrassment was: “I must not look stupid in front of the professor and my peers.” This demand is clearly inconsistent with reality and it’s preventing me from reaching my goals (i.e., reading even though I will make mistakes and feeling disappointed rather than embarrassed). Demanding that I not look stupid doesn’t change the fact it can and will happen again. We are all flawed human beings who make mistakes. In fact, life would be quite boring without all of our glorious flaws and quirks. There is no need to take life so seriously. Though there are times when it would be preferable to appear poised and articulate, there is no reason I must not look stupid at times.
This way of thinking has been transformative for me, and it could be the same for you. So the next time you are feeling embarrassed, I invite you to ask yourself: “Am I taking this too seriously?” Stay curious my friends.
