By Kimberly Alexander, M.S.

What are some things you think will make you happy if you achieve them? What are some things from the past, that you think shouldn’t have happened or needed to have happened that would have made you happier today?

Perhaps a degree, a promotion, owning a home, marriage, children, etc.

And until you have “it” whatever “it” is… what is the alternative emotion you feel? Longing? Depression? Anxiety? Bitterness? Or some low-level discontent that remains as a gray overcast on your mood?

Very recently, I visited a Buddhist monk and sought guidance in understanding how to reconcile the ebbs and flows of emotions toward not having achieved something and all things. He stated that “Buddha can only offer the path and it will take a lifetime and practice to find what I am looking for.” He added that ultimately, you must not think about the past or the future. You must remain present and be happy.

I know “they” say that the answers we seek about life is often the simplest but all I could think about his response was, “BUT HOW DO YOU DO THAT? WHAT IS THE PATH?” And I felt a surge of frustration, confusion and deflation.

And then one late night as I wrote my thoughts, a light bulb went off in my head and it all clicked! You see the monk told me the path! The “path” OF happiness (not toward happiness) is a life pursuit because IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE! Thus, the path doesn’t help you get to happiness. The path is where happiness exists because as you remain present, not evaluating past transgressions or future expectations, you actively place yourself in a space of content that IS A DAILY PRACTICE (hence a “life pursuit”).

**Insert next lightbulb**

We seek to challenge the dogmatic demands and unhelpful evaluations we place on ourselves’, others’, and the world’s past, present and future. We seek rational alternative ways of thinking and occasionally harp on why this must be a daily practice. Why can’t this “just come to me naturally?” And even though we can find a multitude of reasons and insights as to why we have unhelpful ways of thinking, we still demand that we mustn’t.

So, how about we accept that we do think in this way AND we can think in other ways that are more helpful. We accept that the propensity and choice to think in one way over any other IS what comes naturally. That our life pursuit is, in fact, to remain present and make an active decision to think and behave in ways that are both helpful to ourselves and others thereby working within, as opposed to, working toward, a space of content and happiness.

 

  • Dedicated to and appreciation for myself, the monk, the AEI gurus, and a good friend’s wisdom, guided practice, and time.