By: Ashley Oliver, M.S.
“All work and very little play” has been the recent theme of my life. I have been juggling the two sides of myself: the nurturer (the gentle side that doesn’t want to let my friends and family down) and the boss in me (the fierce, get-stuff-done-and-prevail-over-any-and-all-hurdles-towards-my-success). In reality, both sides can prevent me from taking care of myself, especially if there isn’t a healthy balance. So where is the middle ground and what does it actually look like?
Some terms get thrown around easily these days—“jade rolling,” “gluten-free,” “Instagram influencer,” etc. Does anyone really know what any of them mean? (Well, sort of). One that tends to dredge up some misperception is “self-care,” winner of the “What’s That Mean??” Marketing buzzword of the year 2019! The idea of self-care has been distilled, repurposed, and re-interpreted in so many ways that it’s hard work to get to the root of it. Like how do we actually practice self-care? And what does it realistically look like when you have a busy schedule? Does self-care really mean chilling out with a Housewives marathon and a manicure? Should it mean something more? Is there a right or wrong answer?
The term self-care is tricky to define because in this day and age the meaning can easily become tainted very quickly. It’s hard to separate the true meaning of it through all of the marketing noise swirling around it. And can self-care look different for everyone? Self-care may not just be about taking baths and doing your nails.
The meaning of self-care to me changes day by day. Sometimes it means I desire more social interactions, to be with my husband or my best friend, and to have someone to connect with. Sometimes it can mean the opposite of that—that I desire to be in a peaceful silence, meditate and then go for a long walk. Self-care is increasingly, for me, in the spirit of self-preservation. As someone who holds a tremendous amount of space for work, close friends and family, I’ve discerned this year in particular how essential, not optional, it is for me to turn inward and engage in practices that sustain my spirit and that increase my life satisfaction. Overall, self-care is anything that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and/or physical health.
Albert Ellis once stated “Accept that acceptance is largely compassion – for you and your self, for others and their self, and for the troubled world and its self.”
Its so ironic how I find it easy to accept and have compassion for others and the world, but I often struggle to believe and accept that I may need a break from being busy as well. I am holding an unhealthy, irrational higher expectation for myself and think that I should do more for others than for myself. But how is this functional or even logical? It clearly is not. I am realizing that maybe self-care involves the act of preserving who you are as an individual. Think of it like a phone. Even the most wonderful phone that works like no other needs to re-charge.
For me, the biggest thing I can do to begin self-care is to acknowledge when I am juggling too much at once and learning how to treat myself to moments of relaxation. Being able to prioritize has been key for me. As one person, I just can’t work and cater to others 24/7. It may come down to the simple concept of doing what’s going to help me feel best, and be the best person, friend, significant other, daughter, that I can be.
I know… I know… Much easier said than done AND the great news is that we have opportunities to practice taking a much-needed break and doing something we enjoy. So this week I treated myself to a manicure, a Netflix binge, and lots of pizza.
How do you plan to recharge and show self-care this week? This month?
