By: Monica Shah, M.Ed.
You know those times when life feels like a giant s#!t storm, and it’s just too much at once? I know – it sucks. I’ve found myself caught in those storms many times over the years, and though it does seem like a disproportionate serving of crap, the way that you approach that s#!t storm can make the difference between handling it and falling apart. Here are some tips that may help you deal when life throws you too much.
Ride the waves. Yes, it sucks right now. And yes, it will get better – that’s just how time works. So ride the waves, and allow yourself to feel those difficult feelings when they do come. Avoiding negative feelings or demanding them to go away will only make them worse. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling during a difficult time, because you have to feel those uncomfortable feelings in order to move through them.
Avoid awfulizing. There’s a fine line between acknowledging the s#!tty-ness of it all and slipping into awfulizing, where you get caught in a loop of thinking how completely awful it is that this is happening to you. Have you ever noticed that you sometimes feel worse after “bitching” to a friend about how difficult your life feels? I have. This venting can perpetuate those feelings of anxiety/anger/depression at everything that’s happening, rather than breaking out of that cycle by acknowledging that it’s not ideal and focusing on moving forward. It won’t help your life circumstances to dwell on how unfair or crappy it is for all of these things to be happening at once. They’re happening, and while it may feel like s#!t, it will get better with time.
Think self-efficaciously. During particularly difficult times in life, it can be easy to focus on how hard it all feels and disregard your own self-efficacy. Thinking that you can’t handle all of this will just lead you to not be able to handle it – that’s the power of our thoughts! Feelings of self-efficacy come from the way we think about both situations and ourselves. Try reminding yourself of all the things that you have handled in life, however small they may seem in that moment. Though we can’t control the situations that life throws us, we can control how we respond to them.
Accept the moment. Instead of overthinking or overreacting, accept that this is where life is at right now. This acceptance allows your mind to find solutions, rather than circling endlessly around the problem. Once you’ve calmed your mind a bit, try to tackle one thing at a time. It may feel like a lot, but break it down and focus on what to do about one aspect, because thinking about it as a giant s#!t storm will only serve to stress you out.
Even though it’s tempting to curl up under your blanket and hide away from the world during difficult times, try to resist that urge. Instead, try applying some of these tips in your life and see if they make a difference in the way that you handle life’s stressors. Which of these tips will you commit to trying?
