By: Monica Shah, M.Ed.
Uncertainty is a fact of life. We never really know what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, or when it’s going to happen…in fact, we rarely ever know if it’s going to happen! Whether it’s work, finances, health, or relationships, uncertainty is a certainty.
Many things are out of our control because they depend on influences outside of us. Relationships rely on another person and their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, situations, and personalities. Your health relies on genetics, environment, and a whole slew of factors that we may not even be aware of. We might try to control our work and finances as much as possible, but ultimately, anything can happen. No matter how much we yearn for absolute control, it is an illusion. We simply cannot know all the factors at play – let alone control them!
When we try to plan every detail and analyze situations to death, we are secretly making a demand for absolute control and showing intolerance for uncertainty. I need to know what’s going to happen, and I cannot tolerate not knowing what’s going to happen. Sound familiar? Newsflash: coming up with a plan for every possible “what if” statement is impossible. Worrying about future outcomes does not bring you control or change what’s going to happen – it does, however, bring emotional stress. It takes time and mental space away from the meaningful things that are presently in your life. Demanding certainty can also lead us to avoid situations, obsess about them, make ourselves anxious, or incessantly seek reassurance from others.
Given the likelihood of uncertainty in our lives, and the dysfunctional patterns that result from resisting uncertainty, it would make sense for us to learn how to live with it. So, how can we do this?
First, recognize that demanding certainty in life is an illogical, extreme, and rigid way of thinking. Whoever said that anything in life is guaranteed? Not only that, but demanding a guarantee can create unhealthy emotions and behaviors…so why do that to yourself? Acknowledge the world of gray around you and the many factors that you cannot control. There are so many possibilities that exist in any situation, so why waste your energy trying to figure it all out? Second, prove to yourself why you can in fact put up with uncertainty. Have you not led all your life without the promise of certainty? You have survived that, and saying that you cannot tolerate uncertainty will only serve to increase your emotional stress. Third, do what you can that is in your realm of control, and focus on the present – not the future. You can only make decisions based on the information that you have in front of you. The rest you take as it comes, and troubleshoot situations as they arise!
Are you demanding certainty in any area of your life? What can you do to loosen the reins and accept the inevitable uncertainty that exists around you?
