By: Ashley Oliver, M.S.
I can always rely on 3 things to happen during the summertime in New York City:
- Great street fairs and block parties to satisfy the foodie in me
- Enjoying outdoor movies and concerts in the park
- Increased unwanted catcalling and harassment
As I was commuting home on a crowded 6 train in Manhattan, a man proceeded to stand very close behind me. As the train doors began to close, he proceeded to inch closer and closer to me to the point where there was no space between our bodies and I could feel the imprint of his jeans pressed up against my backside. Being the person I am, I thought “Maybe he doesn’t realize just how close he is to me…”; but regardless, I immediately felt uncomfortable. I looked around and noticed free standing spaces in the middle of the subway car; however, the man was physically blocking me from moving. In an effort to physically move away from the man, I said “Excuse me” to which I was met with a smirk and a response of “No problem, Beautiful.”
I could feel the impact of every syllable of his salacious words emphatically rush towards me. Those 3 simple words confirmed to me that he consciously pressed his body up against mine. I was shocked at what just took place. Instantly I had a moment of inner turmoil that is far too common for too many women: How should I respond here? One part of me wanted to yell out loud all my thoughts and feelings about him being inappropriate and disgusting. But what if we get into a cursing match that further escalates? Another part of me thought, “Should I punch this man for having the audacity to smirk and respond to me in that way after violating my space? But what if he grabs me or even worse punches me back? The reality is we are still in a closed subway car. Or what if he follows me home?”
As I ruminated on the “right” response, I stood silently. Before I knew it, we pulled into the next stop on the train where I proceeded to exit and begin my walk home. I couldn’t believe that I said absolutely nothing! How is it that I could think of a million ways I could have responded and yet have nothing to actually say in response? I felt so overwhelmed and fearful of my personal safety that the only reasonable response I could think of was to say nothing at all so I would not be further subjected to harm, physical or psychological.
And unfortunately, far too many people make a similar choice as they’re met with these unwelcomed situations daily. So now I wonder: how should I handle these situations? What is the “right” response as a woman? What would you have done? Because honestly, while I hate that I said nothing, I’m grateful I walked away safely from that situation.
All in all, maybe there is no “right” immediate response when these situations happen. Maybe we as women (or men) make the best decision given the context of the present circumstance. So I am not going to ruminate on what was the “right” response, but I plan to focus on acknowledging how I felt, accepting the decision I chose to make for my own safety, and reporting the inappropriate behavior that took place.
