By: Ashley Oliver, M.S.
Disclaimer: It takes a lot for me to feel embarrassed. I almost always will find the humor in any given situation, laugh at myself uncontrollably, and move forward quickly.
But this time was different. I recently went out to an event with my husband, sister and brother-in-law. The formal event was organized by my brother-in-law and was honoring select faculty and students at the school he works in. I felt the (self-imposed) pressure of being a good representative of my family and making a good first impression. I initiated several conversations with people around the room as the night progressed, some who were strangers and others who I had previously met. A woman, who I had previously met on multiple occasions, called out my name and came over to give me a hug. I proceeded to engage her in conversation and call her by the completely wrong name (with supreme confidence)!! After our brief exchange, my sister came over to me with a huge grin on her face and proceeds to tell me how I called this woman by the wrong name. Oh my Gosh. Oh my GOSH! My stomach dropped. I froze, resisting the urge to turn around and apologize profusely.
I felt very embarrassed. How could I confidently have made this mistake?
As my mind replayed the moment over and over, my confidence plummeted further and further. What was happening to me? After sitting with my discomfort for the remainder of the night, I was able to realize a few things. First, I felt embarrassed because of my belief that I had to be perfect and not make any mistakes. Think about it. My demand to represent myself “perfectly” at this formal event led to me feeling embarrassed because I didn’t live up to my own rigid standards. So am I never allowed to make mistakes? That’s ridiculous. I’m human. Sure, I would have preferred to call the woman by her correct name but there is no reason why I can’t have a forgetful moment from time to time.
Second, when it comes to making mistakes and feeling embarrassed, it’s important to understand that you’re often your own biggest critic. For the remainder of the night my sister was constantly reassuring me that my mistake was not a big deal. Rather than criticize me, she empathized with me. In thinking back to other times I felt embarrassed, I realized that the majority of people around me actually empathize with me and were able to relate to what I had experienced.
And last but not least, embarrassing stories are a given part of existence. They’re going to happen to you and me and everyone else now and again. We live each day knowing that they’re possible. Hopefully, accepting this truth will allow us to feel an increase in compassion, and a reduction in distress.
What’s your most recent embarrassing story? What are some tools you used to work through your feelings of embarrassment?
