By: Ashley Oliver, M.S.
Everyone brace yourselves! This may come as a shock to many. Contrary to the countless stereotypes of women in the 21st century, I DESPISE shopping (with a passion). To many, it’s an outlet–a way to relieve stress. To others, it’s all about the bargain or the sheer satisfaction of getting something new. For me, it’s almost equivalent to torture. Ever since I can remember, I dreaded going the mall or random stores to shop for clothes. I knew it was going to be an endless eternity of walking, waiting in long lines, dodging crowds of people, carrying heavy bags, the chaotic dressing room and trying not to get lost while looking through racks and racks of clothing. And did I mention the level of disorganization! The worst part of shopping is when you walk into a store that is a total disaster. As in the store looks like a tornado ripped right through it, just throwing clothes all over the place. How can you possibly sort through all the clothing to find something to somewhat match what you envisioned in your mind? Who has that kind of time or patience?! I surely don’t.
While I can appreciate getting new things, there is something about shopping that I find difficult to tolerate. With that being said, I have turned to buying almost all of my clothes online! While shopping for clothes in real life can be a chore, online shopping has allowed me the comfort and freedom of aimlessly scrolling through endless databases of clothes from the comfort of my own home, while dodging crowds of people and long lines. I am pro-online shopping for this exact reason–although I have commitment issues when it comes to checking out with my bag full of 1000 items. The pressure of being at the store and sales associates hovering over you is entirely non-existent. Online shopping is tolerable and definitely a more pleasurable experience.
Two weeks ago, I found myself at an uncomfortable crossroads. I was in need of a new dress to attend a wedding and I (being the ultimate procrastinator) did not leave enough time to shop for a dress online. I was panicked because I was suddenly confronted with the dread of going to a physical store and buying a dress in person.
I had a choice. Do I let my discomfort dictate what I do with my life or do I deal with my discomfort and live the life I want to live? I wasn’t willing to allow my discomfort of shopping stop me from attending a dear friend’s wedding. So I did the unthinkable and decided to physically go shopping. As I ventured out on my journey to the mall, I decided to tell myself that while I might be uncomfortable, this was actually an opportunity. An opportunity to try new things, shop at new stores, and treat myself to a cinnamon-sugar pretzel. After exactly 1hour and 23 minutes, I exited the mall with a new dress in hand. And to be honest, the experience was not as awful as I imagined it to be. Although I 100% prefer to shop online, I proved to myself that my while I do not prefer to go shopping, I can tolerate it.
Albert Ellis once said, “You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting.” I decided to temporarily do away with my self-defeating thoughts and avoidant behavior, and choose a more healthy and helpful outlook on shopping. And might I add, I looked amazing in my new dress!
What are some fears or discomforts that you are actively avoiding? What steps could you take to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting?
