I’m sure I, and many others, have encountered these so-called “friends.” I’m quite familiar with Ms. Perfectionism and her relentless “musts” and “shoulds,” her brother Catastrophizing with his alarming “ifs” and “thens,” and a host of other beliefs that push Mr. and Mrs. Logic and Reason aside. I’ll be honest, sometimes I even gladly throw caution to the wind, spinning and distorting these irrational beliefs to make them seem sensible.
You might wonder, what’s so bad about striving for perfection or being on high alert for the worst possible outcomes? However, I’ve noticed that giving in to these thoughts only leads me to procrastination, stress, anxiety, anger, and avoidance of situations that put me in these positions. Not to mention, these thoughts put unneeded strain on my interpersonal relationships. Therefore, when I list out the consequences of my beliefs, these so-called “friends” don’t seem so friendly after all.
Letting go of certain “friends” like Ms. Perfectionism and Mr. Catastrophizing might seem scary, but when we step back and employ logic and reason, we can better understand what irrational beliefs are and how to change them. These beliefs, no matter how true they may seem, are not based in logic. They are unrealistic, extreme, rigid, and inflexible, despite feeling very real.
To combat them, I’ve found a few strategies helpful. First, recognize that irrational beliefs create unhealthy negative emotions such as anger, depression, and anxiety, driven by unrealistic expectations of how things should be. When these “friends” get louder, I make a point to challenge them. I push back and ask for evidence when they impose their “musts,” “shoulds,” and “if/thens” on me. Often, I find their logic falls apart and is inconsistent with reality. If all else fails, I ask myself what advice I would give a friend if they had the same belief.
Overall, believe me, I’m Ms. Irrational, but I’ve come to realize that these beliefs are not friends but foes and work to prevent us from reaching our goals. Therefore, while we can’t control reality, we do have power over how we respond to it. So, when someone like Ms. Perfectionism rears her head and says, “I should be perfect all the time,” I counter it with, “I want to be perfect, but there is no reason I need to be.”