Oh! Boundaries Apply to Me Too?

I am currently in my third year of my Ph.D. program, and from the start of my journey into this helping profession, I have strived to be the best therapist, extern, student, and support I can be—to my mentors, my patients, and to myself. I genuinely want to be there for others, consistently and wholeheartedly, to the best of an externs’ ability. Yet, one core principle we often stress in this field is the importance of healthy boundaries. We encourage our patients to explore, define, and implement boundaries in their lives for their well-being, but it can be surprisingly challenging to practice what we preach.

Like many things, the process of applying our own professional wisdom to ourselves isn’t always straightforward. I’ve recently recognized how critical healthy boundaries are not only for my own well-being but also for my growth as a professional. This realization has pushed me to reflect on how I might incorporate these boundaries into my life, personally and professionally.

One might ask, how does this relate to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)? For me, it highlights some of the irrational beliefs I’ve held around responsibility and the role I play as a helper. For example, I sometimes find myself thinking, “I must make everyone happy,” and “I should always be available to others.” These beliefs surface especially when my boundaries are tested. My instinct is to feel that if I don’t meet these demands, I’m somehow failing in my role as an extern or therapist.

However, recent experiences with my supervisor have been invaluable in challenging these beliefs. Together, we’ve examined these beliefs as boundary issues arise, helping me see that saying “no” can be a deeply professional and therapeutic choice. This shift in perspective has shown me that setting boundaries prevents burnout, helps me manage my obligations effectively, and allows me to show up fully for others without resentment. Through this process, I’ve come to understand that reframing my beliefs around boundaries helps me to enforce them.

I’m curious—what are some of the small ways you actively maintain your healthy boundaries?