It’s summertime—warm and fuzzy. All those plans I made while winter raged on have finally come to life. It’s time! Here I am, sitting on a beach, enjoying my drink as the sun caresses my olive skin. But wait—shouldn’t this be more fun? I tell myself to shake it off and get it together.
I envisioned this vacation as the pinnacle of joy, a time to live out every bit of happiness I had imagined. Yet now that I’m here, fully immersed in it, I find myself thinking, “This should feel better”, “I should be enjoying this more”. The more I focus on how I’m “supposed” to feel, the more I notice the sweat on my skin—not from the heat, but from the anxiety quietly rising within me. And no, it’s not midday—it’s sunset, my favorite time of day. But something still feels off.
Have I expected every moment to be thrilling and magical? I think I have. Oops.
The vacation I’ve looked forward to all year has turned out to be… good. But not great.
I’m sure many of you have found yourselves in the same situation—thinking your vacation must be amazing, that you should have the best time ever. The bad news? You can only enjoy your reality—not the fantasy you built in your head. Demanding constant joy from your vacation can invite anxiety, even disappointment. And that’s okay. Wanting to enjoy your time off is fair—I’m on your side!
But maybe it’s time to shift the internal dialogue.
REBT teaches that how we think about a situation shapes how we feel about it. The more rigid and demanding our thoughts are, the more likely we are to feel anxious, angry, or guilt for example. When we turn our hopes and desires into “shoulds,” “musts,” or “have tos,” we set ourselves up for emotional distress.
Instead of saying I must have fun, try I want to have fun. Instead of I should enjoy my morning swim, say I’d really like to enjoy my morning swim. That simple shift softens the pressure and gives you more room to actually enjoy what’s happening.
So no, you don’t have to have the best time of your life every second or on every vacation. But you can be present, open, and kind to yourself—on vacation and beyond.