In the last few years of my life, I have found myself straddling the gap between
adolescence and adulthood with little elegance. After three glorious and unsupervised years of
college (might I add, in the beautiful Hudson Valley), I received the news of my acceptance into
a prestigious PsyD program. My independence and identity were blossoming. My head began to
swim with all of the possibilities and opportunities I would be open to in the next few years of
my life. I relished in this pride for about five minutes before my stomach hit the floor. Enrolling
in the graduate program meant I would be moving back in with my parents.
The autonomy that I had built up around me seemed to vanish the moment that I returned
to Long Island. Gone were the days of coming and going as I pleased, cooking dinners
uninterrupted, and leaving the house without a single comment on my choice of outfit. As I laid
in my childhood twin bed, I felt my teenage angst creeping back in. My mother’s disapproval of
my choices seemed to echo off the walls. Who was she to tell me what to wear, say, or do? I was
enraged, and damn it, I was 21!
As I near the end of my doctorate, and my four year stay at home, I have reflected on the
use of REBT in making my time there as tolerable as possible. I used to hold the belief that my
parents shouldn’t comment on my life choices. In fact, I believed that they must not share their
unsolicited opinions at all, and it would be just awful if they did! The thought of enduring those
years of nagging used to seem utterly intolerable. However, as I write today, I have clearly
tolerated it. It may be true that I would prefer not to receive unsolicited advice and opinions, but
I can certainly accept them. I can experience frustration or annoyance when I’m told my shirt is
too wrinkled, but I can take it, and it’s more bothersome than awful. When we are in the middle
of experiencing a negative event, it can feel impossible to question our beliefs and thoughts
about the situation. However, with practice, we can remind ourselves that even the most
frustrating situations are manageable, and that our emotions do not need to escalate just because
our preferences haven’t been met. By challenging our demanding and rigid attitudes, we can
make life that much more tolerable (and maybe even save some money for rent in the process).